It's Him.

God has been teaching me some pretty amazing stuff.... It's amazing to me that just when you think you've finally grasped just how amazing He actually He is - He reveals Himself even more to you! On the real, I really don't deserve to have this amazing and most precious Creator who wants to share His life with me.... And yet somehow, every single day on some level, He always opens Himself up to me. He shares His love, He sings sweetly in my ear- a tune that my heart tends to automatically synchronize with and He always molds my heart and mind to what He needs it to be.... He provides, cares and is so unbelievably faithful in the two that when He does them for you - there really is no other option. You have to get on your knees and just praise Him. You absolutely have to give Him your full attention and bow your heart to Him in thankfulness ....

I yearn for more and I crave His truth... My heart and mind cannot accept anything less. I want His love, care and provision. I want His rebuking, correction and teaching.... I need it and I live for it.... I am quite literally nothng without Him and His precious love.

I love my God and if you don't know Him - I really hope that you find Him. For life is futile without Him.

A song.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5KTCvGyAg_o

I know, I know.... It's Taylor Swift, but this song just gets me. Ahhh.........................

It's the little things (:

I love that God made me the type of girl that's thankful for the "little things".... He's always inspired me to make the "little things" -  the "bigger things."

I am thankful for today because all of the "little things" made my day pretty much perfect. I'll never take simple and little things for granted, not ever.... Walking normally and pain free, good conversation, a smile or a laugh, pretty eyes, deep breaths, fresh air, hugs, my children's laughs and so much more...

I don't ever need anything big and shiny to get my attention ... I just need the little things.

Thank you, Jesus .... Thank you for the little things. <3

God's goodness.

I once heard someone say that they weren't the worst of sinners. And the more I think on that statement the more I want to know what that even means? If we are all sinners and then being that all sin is well - sin and breaking God's law, wouldn't that mean that - We actually all are the "worst" of sinners?

You see the way that I think and the way that I believe is that - I am actually nothing good at all but that because God is good, He saved me and THAT is what makes me good. It's not anything I do, or the fact that I chose to believe, or even have faith - It's that God chose me, saved me and continues to extend grace and love to me despite myself every single day. And then I still even have a hard time thinking that I'm "good."

Nothing I do will ever make me the worst or best of sinners - I don't believe there is a worst or best of sinners - We are all sinners, when you break the law, it's broken. It doesn't matter how you broke the law, it's the simple fact that you did break it. And obviously we all break the law... We all break His laws!

I'm so extremely thankful that God is indeed GOOD and chose to extend His goodness to me. I'm so thankful that because He is good and loves us, that He made me good. He clothed me in His righteousness and that's how He views me now. Not because of what I DO but because of all that He did when He put His son on that Cross.
Amazing. He is so amazing....


James 2:9-11
⁹ But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. ¹⁰ For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. ¹¹ For he who said, “You shall not commit adultery,” also said, “You shall not murder.” If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.

His eyes, he's dying inside.

I can't look at him for too long,
what I see in his eyes...
A painful mixture of fire and ice,
for it is nothing pleasant and far from nice.
A man who is burning within
seems as though someone may have reached in
Sucked the life right out of him.
But not even that, much worse, no
Must've been that someone
They reached in and stole his heart away from him
Without your heart, your heart being life
You can't keep up for long
You try to be strong, to just carry on
Eventually though, your eyes give you away
They show everyone that you're dying inside

I can't look at him for too long
What I see in his eyes....
He's dying inside.





unfinished.

marital bliss.

Something hit me today that just made me smile....

I was out with my grandma today and after having spent the weekend with my family for Easter, she made mention of something that my grandfather said in regards to my husband and I. That we looked good together and that we would be together until we were 90. That is just something that kinda makes my heart melt into a big gush puddle....

I'm so thankful that people can look at us together and see that. A few years back my husband and I struggled together so very much but it just proves that making it through all of that - We really do have something. Something that will always be worth fighting for.

I am thankful for my husband tonight. I am 100% positive that he is the only man for me and the only man that could survive me! Haha... I'm so insane sometimes, I'm not interested in what he's interested in, I don't listen all the time, I struggle with house and kids, I have a lot of issues and even though I do have some issues - He is such a man, such a very good man to work together with me to just be a team, to love me, trying always to provide as much as he can and just be a good dad. He has come so very far, we have come so very far, No - God has brought us so so very far!...

I'm thankful that I have him and I feel like I have been holding back on him - I'm done holding back. I want to love him with every ounce of me.
God gave me someone to entrust my life with, to build a life with and to make the best of that life. To love, live, fight, make-up, make fun of each other and to just be insane with - Cause lets face it - Life in itself is insane...

I'm just thankful that I have someone to be insane with.

Thank you God for blessing me with Cj.

poetry

Your delicate and beautiful soul caged up and forgotten
Like a prisoner on death row who's heart has gone rotten.

It tries to break through to a light amidst the dark
shining and true, would mean freedom for you.

You hold the lock but He holds the key
It's always you though, your own worst enemy.

Wall of protection, forcefield of fear
Will you ever let it crumble and allow yourself to feel?

Your soul so far away, so lost in space
people see you as just another face

He continues to wait for your acceptance
Wants to give you light and repentance.

unfinished

not motivated

I have so very much in my head and heart ~ I just don't have the motivation?
Usually I would be all over this blog but lately I just haven't felt it....
I'm sure it will all come pouring out eventually but for now- I may be quiet{er} for a bit.
Forgive me readers!

musings

stuck somewhere between the silence and the noise
because there's never really silence is there?

there's always you and that wonderful thing called a thought
it drowns out any possibility of quiet- any hope of peace

so -

stuck somewhere between the silence and the noise
perhaps it's just a whisper or an echo of brainwave activity

possibly just a sigh or a moan, noise that isn't quite noise
noise that's more a feeling or that doesn't quite require an open mouth

I've just been stuck

Somewhere between the silence and the noise
Because honestly, there's never really silence, is there?

poetry :)

Hiding

Hiding my heart that day
You reached for my hand
I snubbed it away

Cause I'm always hiding, hiding this heart away
It's always the same and such a shame
Don't waste your efforts for one more day

Hiding my heart that day
You reached for my hand
I snubbed it away

Cause I'm always hiding, I'll be hiding this heart away
It's always the same and such a shame
You'll keep trying and I'll see one of these days

You loved me, you really loved me
all of the time, your heart and soul mourned me
You loved me, you really did care
all of that time won't be wasted, next time I'd grab that hand and squeeze
Hopefully it won't be too late and you'll see
I loved you too all of that time but I was so afraid

So love, just know ....

I was just hiding my heart that day.

Be there for the ones you love.

I really don't know how I can express just how important it is for us, as followers of Christ to be available to others as they are going through trials and sufferings. It's so important and vital, but also Biblical to do so. It doesn't matter how close you may be to the situation, if you're hurting because of the situation. It's so very important to understand from each other that we are all humans who are so very flawed and sinful. Not one is better than another and all sin is equal in the eyes of God. Even if all sin weren't equal - it wouldn't matter because if you have Jesus, your sin has been covered by His precious blood! Lately - the past couple days, my direct family is very close to a situation that is going on and it's so very crucial right now to just be available, to pray and to be open to what God is going to do. God knows and see's all of that which is happening and no matter who is right/wrong or who did what to who - All parties we are called to love and forgive. You may not understand it or what is happening and why, but you don't have to- to do what is Biblically right.
There is none righteous - No not one.

I really wish people could get this - WE ALL SIN AND WE ALL SUFFER- ALL OF THE TIME.... NO ONE IS EXEMPT - Only Jesus was.

Respect

It's always been a mystery to me why people can't just accept the way that you feel and try to understand it. Instead we as people tend to tell each other how to feel or that what we are feeling must be incorrect... I hate that - I think it's one of my biggest pet peeves.
When I'm feeling sad about something and I come to you, I really don't want you to tell me that I have no reason to feel the way I do. That isn't your call to make and frankly it's going to leave me not wanting to come to you anymore at all.
I understand that in some situations an encouraging word to say "hey, don't let this keep on getting you down, or etc." Something like that is taken to heart, way more appropriate and probably accepted better as well.
On the other hand - If you're just going to get nasty and possibly even raise your voice to prove your "right" in your point that I shouldn't feel the way I feel - that isn't going to get you anywhere.

One word: Validate.
One word: Care
One word: Respect
One word: Love

I hope that I never do this to anyone. Unless you're sinning in your emotion, there is nothing wrong with feeling SOMETHING. Afterall the Bible does say there is time for everything (Ecc3.)

Ok - That is all now ...

Hannah

I was reading Hannah's story today and about her desire to have a son (1Sam.) I found great comfort in her story just because it's always really cool to see how even in the most hopeless of situations, God is still ever present and willing to aid in our troubles- IF we are faithful & come to Him in our times of distress. It's also always cool to see how God answers the prayers of those who are faithful.

There is always hope, prayer, answered prayer and a faithful God waiting to be glorified through it all.

Jesus is the best example!

Matthew 26:36-39

36 Then Jesus came with them to a place called Gethsemane, and said to the disciples, “Sit here while I go and pray over there.” 37 And He took with Him Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and He began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed. 38 Then He said to them, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with Me.”
39 He went a little farther and fell on His face, and prayed, saying, “O My Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from Me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as You will.”


This was one of the three passages in our Sunday School book yesterday and it was one that kind of hit home for me...  

Jesus was a man and it's stated throughout the Bible that because He was man, that he suffered as man did, in the area of being tempted/struggling but since He was part God too - He never did actually sin. That was part of His covenant with God, He would live a sinless life and die a gruesome death all so that He could save the lives of millions later. Obviously that is the most precious part to us as christians, the part in where we are most thankful and spend the most time dwelling- His death on the Cross....

Lately I've been in what seems like a constant struggle. All of the time not really knowing exactly why I was struggling so much, but knowing that since I'm so uber human and really seeking God in my struggle that in time it would be revealed. I won't share because it honestly isn't that important to share - I'm not commiting murder or anything :) Just something that I guess God really needed me to get and so I finally have, ... I think.

I find myself really thinking more about Jesus. Not only His struggle of death on the Cross but His EVERYDAY struggle to be perfect. He was man and felt what being tempted felt like, He was at times both weak and tired, no doubt exhausted from the dealings of it all. The passage above says that He was distressed and sorrowful, but at the end it says pretty much that He still wanted God's will even if that did mean struggle. In His struggle here - He still was not sinning.

Could you imagine spending EVERY single day like this? He was born as a babe just like the rest of us and grew into an adult just as we all do... It's more than amazing, it's enough to make you look at your life and say - What do I do in my struggle? Do I whine and complain? Do I sin? Do I seek God's will still or plea for my own? Do I obey when He commands me to go a certain way or do I walk my own way and receive consequence later? Do I bring others down because I'm suffering and bring them to suffer too?
What do we do when we struggle? I can say that when I'm struggling - I'm a pretty miserable person... I don't count it all joy, and even though I may seek God out in my struggle, I pretty much still feel selfish while I'm doing it. Honestly, I have to think to myself - what exactly is my motive for calling out to God in my time of need? Is it so that my struggle will just disappear and I won't have to deal with it anymore or is it because I reallllly want to learn what He has and am willing to struggle for it a little so that He may make me stronger/our bond/relationship stronger as well?


Jesus is an amazing example - So un-selfish, worthy, perfect, loving and all endurance to a T. Follow His example -

Learn what God may have for you to learn and don't be selfish in it. Truly seek out what God is trying to teach you and accept whatever He has for you at that time - Even if it does mean struggling to get there. It's not a sin to suffer for the sake of righteousness... Being weak and tired aren't sins and neither is the struggle in itself- its what you do in it, with it and during/after it....