poor tendencies

I have a tough time with certain things due to my past. If you've ever been abused in any sort of manner (verbal, physical or sexually,) or abandoned and trained as a child to expect nothing good from life. (In my case- growing up, all of the above.)  For example: I have an awful tendency to render myself worthless & unusable. I always seem to put up these limitations - "I can't do that, nor would God choose to use someone like me for that." I allow myself to become discouraged to the point where it makes me want to isolate & close up. My heart sends out warnings like 'You're broken! People don't really love you! You'll never be good at anything!" And you'd think after much growth & time that these feelings would dissipate and stay away - at some point, for good. To be completely rid of these feelings & thoughts would be like finding the most sweet peace anyone has ever delighted in.
And honestly, I'm not sure if that's ever going to be the case. Because sometimes these feelings and thoughts are just what I need because they beckon me back to the sweet voice of Jesus. And when I find myself waiting for that sweet whisper in my ear I'm always reminded - I'm not broken and although at one point I may have been, God has taken my broken pieces and has started a masterpiece that He wants to finish. He knows that in the end it'll be the most beautiful thing ever, a precious daughter of the king clothed in His righteousness and majesty. He wants to use me despite my imperfections and insecurities. He's waiting though - He's waiting for me to let Him. For me to allow Him free reign in my life - for me to be completely sacrificial of myself so that He can have control. He gently whispers to my heart - You are clean, white as snow, beautifully made in My image, I can use you for great things. He whispers - Wipe your tears, get up from your knees and give your weary heart rest. I am your comforter, your maker, your protector, redeemer, father and friend. You are no longer broken and the best is yet to come.
And I know it's the truth.
#HowgreatisourGod
#Fromoneunbrokengirltoanother

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Funny little human mind.

You can try & believe the lie for as long as you'd like, but truth is absolute & will always prevail. So when it does - when you feel the pain, hurt and are broken - And you try to point the finger at God as if it's His fault. Take a closer look. You chose the lie over the truth - You did that. Over & over again, until it was too late.

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