A favorite right now....

Psalm 107

¹ Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
    his love endures forever.

² Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
    those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
³ those he gathered from the lands,
    from east and west, from north and south.^[a]

⁴ Some wandered in desert wastelands,
    finding no way to a city where they could settle.
⁵ They were hungry and thirsty,
    and their lives ebbed away.
⁶ Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he delivered them from their distress.
⁷ He led them by a straight way
    to a city where they could settle.
⁸ Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
⁹ for he satisfies the thirsty
    and fills the hungry with good things.

¹⁰ Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
    prisoners suffering in iron chains,
¹¹ because they rebelled against God’s commands
    and despised the plans of the Most High.
¹² So he subjected them to bitter labor;
    they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
¹³ Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he saved them from their distress.
¹⁴ He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
    and broke away their chains.
¹⁵ Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
¹⁶ for he breaks down gates of bronze
    and cuts through bars of iron.

¹⁷ Some became fools through their rebellious ways
    and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
¹⁸ They loathed all food
    and drew near the gates of death.
¹⁹ Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he saved them from their distress.
²⁰ He sent out his word and healed them;
    he rescued them from the grave.
²¹ Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
²² Let them sacrifice thank offerings
    and tell of his works with songs of joy.

²³ Some went out on the sea in ships;
    they were merchants on the mighty waters.
²⁴ They saw the works of the Lord,
    his wonderful deeds in the deep.
²⁵ For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
    that lifted high the waves.
²⁶ They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
    in their peril their courage melted away.
²⁷ They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
    they were at their wits’ end.
²⁸ Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
    and he brought them out of their distress.
²⁹ He stilled the storm to a whisper;
    the waves of the sea^[b] were hushed.
³⁰ They were glad when it grew calm,
    and he guided them to their desired haven.
³¹ Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
    and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
³² Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people
    and praise him in the council of the elders.

³³ He turned rivers into a desert,
    flowing springs into thirsty ground,
³⁴ and fruitful land into a salt waste,
    because of the wickedness of those who lived there.
³⁵ He turned the desert into pools of water
    and the parched ground into flowing springs;
³⁶ there he brought the hungry to live,
    and they founded a city where they could settle.
³⁷ They sowed fields and planted vineyards
    that yielded a fruitful harvest;
³⁸ he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased,
    and he did not let their herds diminish.

³⁹ Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled
    by oppression, calamity and sorrow;
⁴⁰ he who pours contempt on nobles
    made them wander in a trackless waste.
⁴¹ But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
    and increased their families like flocks.
⁴² The upright see and rejoice,
    but all the wicked shut their mouths.

⁴³ Let the one who is wise heed these things
    and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord.

~

lately

It's been quite the year already... I want to update all of the time, but it just seems like I don't know quite how to verbalize what's going on in life. So I'll just start writing.

This month is officially 3 months since my brother's (in law) passing. It's been going by so quickly and it seems like the hurt/pain is finally starting to numb, especially for my love. I'm thankful for what time does in this specific area, although missing him and his presence will never cease - I'm thankful that the horrid shock, pain, and confusion does. I've never been more thankful for our eternal Home and I've also never been as curious. I know this may sound a bit morbid to some, but I just want to see it- I've thought once or twice "God, just stop my heart for like 5 minutes - I really want to be with You! To know what it's like!" Yea, I'm jealous of him. Kind of weird, right? I can't attempt to explain the way God made my mind, or perhaps other people are thinking the same and just haven't said anything. I guess I don't mind sounding looney, nor do I care if people view me as so either. And I'll just stop there... I'm just saying. :) I love that God never waste's opportunities to teach, grow and show us things. In the midst of the really horrible shock and pain of it all - I got to know a very different side to my husband. A quiet man content to give every last drop of effort into being a faithful servant to his Lord. There were a lot of other things as well, but I think that one was definitely my favorite. I love watching people when their heart is in the right place, it's quite inspiring and I'm afraid that these days it's not something you see to often.

I've been connected with a lot of cool new people recently. And it started in a very cool God kind of way. The first lady that I met recently was a woman who contacted me via Facebook. I'm friends with her daughter, whom I once worked with at the salon. I had posted something, the daughter shared with her and one thing led to another. It's really cool to know that God is using your story or words to help encourage someone else. I really love when God does His thing. We ended up having a very similar story and she was thankful to know that she wasn't alone in it. I'm amazed at the way God provides comfort to those He loves. I'm amazed at His understanding of our needs. He is our Creator, I know, but just each time something like this happens I see a different side of that Creator and it's quite lovely. Our human hearts need so much and we should be able to get on just fine with Him as our help, but He knew we would need more while we were here. I'm the type of person that really doesn't like being created to be interdependent, but despite the fact that I don't like it - I still mostly need those relationships I have.  

I also was introduced to another younger girl, Chloe. I've really enjoyed getting to know her, praying for her and already have gotten to witness God answer those prayers in her life. She's a lot like me which is sort of cool in a way, but kind of odd to meet a younger version of yourself... Why can't I be the younger person in the relationship?? :) Just kidding. I'm excited to continue the friendship and I can really sense that God is going to do something cool with it. I'll be quite excited to see what that is. 

I also recently found out that someone I invested a lot of time in is finally being set free from so much. There's still a long road ahead and a lot of healing - But God is working in the midst of the situation and I know that after everything - It's in His hands. I never really doubted that, but I was admittedly starting to get a little impatient. Always in His time. 

I started writing a book, which is something I really did not want to do. God wouldn't really leave me along about it though and just have to love when He's insistent on something that you oppose, right? I actually think, after some prayer, that it's going to be more like a Bible Study than anything, which I think will be better for me. I had a huge fear of failing and I struggled a lot with the idea, but than all of these ideas started flowing and well, before I knew it I had an intro and partial first chapter... Funny how that works.... It's going to be a very long process I'm sure of it, but I look forward to working on it and testing it out this coming Fall. We'll see if I can actually get it all together by then though.... Prayer. A lot of prayer over this. 

The youth stuff is going so great - more than great. Cj and I are becoming really close with the teens and I think they're finally starting to see just how committed we are to God's work and them. I've never been more content to be a part of something and I pray God continues to bless our ministry and our Church. There is a lot right now, but I know that God is faithful and He will pull us through the next year as we build. 

Trying to keep my eyes and heart open .... God's work is everywhere and I don't want to miss anything. Praying a lot - There is much to be prayed over. Living and Breathing. Taking one day at a time and learning to let a lot of things just roll off my shoulders and into the hands of God. 

poetry

"Something's missing
I know it's gone,
I felt it go.
I didn't misplace it
Or neglect it,
It was taken;
Stolen.
What no one knew (Maybe not even me)
Is that it was connected,
A part,
Something I had let in
And it grew.
Cords, veins, bonds...
I don't know,
But when they took it
It hurt,
Hurt bad,
Down to the ribs that won't stop shaking in the cold.
I can't be sure,
But when it happened
I think it may have torn off a piece of me.
My heart, my mind, my dreams,
I'm not sure,
But it's gone.
How do people do this?
How do they adjust?
How do you simply push it aside?
And keep going?
God give me the strength,
I can't see it,
So take care of it for me."
- Author Unknown.

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Thought Spill

I've never been the type to give up easily on something I truly care about. Lately though - it seems as though my heart is leaning in that direction. I am the type of person when I do make a decision - I stick with it. I'm just tired & honestly things lately seem better, the best, & so I keep thinking that's a sign to get on with it already. Letting go isn't always the right thing, but on occasion - it can be the game changer. The big decision that changes everything.
Someone once stated this in a sermon - Sometimes the obstacles we lean on are the ones that keep us from seeing the bigger picture - From seeing God for all that He really is.
Still praying. I am the Lord's.

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