lately

It's been quite the year already... I want to update all of the time, but it just seems like I don't know quite how to verbalize what's going on in life. So I'll just start writing.

This month is officially 3 months since my brother's (in law) passing. It's been going by so quickly and it seems like the hurt/pain is finally starting to numb, especially for my love. I'm thankful for what time does in this specific area, although missing him and his presence will never cease - I'm thankful that the horrid shock, pain, and confusion does. I've never been more thankful for our eternal Home and I've also never been as curious. I know this may sound a bit morbid to some, but I just want to see it- I've thought once or twice "God, just stop my heart for like 5 minutes - I really want to be with You! To know what it's like!" Yea, I'm jealous of him. Kind of weird, right? I can't attempt to explain the way God made my mind, or perhaps other people are thinking the same and just haven't said anything. I guess I don't mind sounding looney, nor do I care if people view me as so either. And I'll just stop there... I'm just saying. :) I love that God never waste's opportunities to teach, grow and show us things. In the midst of the really horrible shock and pain of it all - I got to know a very different side to my husband. A quiet man content to give every last drop of effort into being a faithful servant to his Lord. There were a lot of other things as well, but I think that one was definitely my favorite. I love watching people when their heart is in the right place, it's quite inspiring and I'm afraid that these days it's not something you see to often.

I've been connected with a lot of cool new people recently. And it started in a very cool God kind of way. The first lady that I met recently was a woman who contacted me via Facebook. I'm friends with her daughter, whom I once worked with at the salon. I had posted something, the daughter shared with her and one thing led to another. It's really cool to know that God is using your story or words to help encourage someone else. I really love when God does His thing. We ended up having a very similar story and she was thankful to know that she wasn't alone in it. I'm amazed at the way God provides comfort to those He loves. I'm amazed at His understanding of our needs. He is our Creator, I know, but just each time something like this happens I see a different side of that Creator and it's quite lovely. Our human hearts need so much and we should be able to get on just fine with Him as our help, but He knew we would need more while we were here. I'm the type of person that really doesn't like being created to be interdependent, but despite the fact that I don't like it - I still mostly need those relationships I have.  

I also was introduced to another younger girl, Chloe. I've really enjoyed getting to know her, praying for her and already have gotten to witness God answer those prayers in her life. She's a lot like me which is sort of cool in a way, but kind of odd to meet a younger version of yourself... Why can't I be the younger person in the relationship?? :) Just kidding. I'm excited to continue the friendship and I can really sense that God is going to do something cool with it. I'll be quite excited to see what that is. 

I also recently found out that someone I invested a lot of time in is finally being set free from so much. There's still a long road ahead and a lot of healing - But God is working in the midst of the situation and I know that after everything - It's in His hands. I never really doubted that, but I was admittedly starting to get a little impatient. Always in His time. 

I started writing a book, which is something I really did not want to do. God wouldn't really leave me along about it though and just have to love when He's insistent on something that you oppose, right? I actually think, after some prayer, that it's going to be more like a Bible Study than anything, which I think will be better for me. I had a huge fear of failing and I struggled a lot with the idea, but than all of these ideas started flowing and well, before I knew it I had an intro and partial first chapter... Funny how that works.... It's going to be a very long process I'm sure of it, but I look forward to working on it and testing it out this coming Fall. We'll see if I can actually get it all together by then though.... Prayer. A lot of prayer over this. 

The youth stuff is going so great - more than great. Cj and I are becoming really close with the teens and I think they're finally starting to see just how committed we are to God's work and them. I've never been more content to be a part of something and I pray God continues to bless our ministry and our Church. There is a lot right now, but I know that God is faithful and He will pull us through the next year as we build. 

Trying to keep my eyes and heart open .... God's work is everywhere and I don't want to miss anything. Praying a lot - There is much to be prayed over. Living and Breathing. Taking one day at a time and learning to let a lot of things just roll off my shoulders and into the hands of God.