Its easy to curl up in bed - to lay there without any need of feeling. To lay motionless, as if you're not even a part of the world that's moving around you anymore. Because that's honestly how you feel on somedays. Its easy to cry, because it feels good. And its even easier to keep on crying. Because even though you feeling as though you're letting it all go - you know you're really not. Its still there and no matter how much you cry - its never going away. You've tried. Its there. To smother. To choke out. To hide. To try and extinguish. To attempt to move on. Its easy to be confused and to live in that confusion because understanding isn't an option in this season. It is easy to lose heart, to feel crushed - broken. To feel ugly, unwanted - to feel used. So easy to feel used when you've been just that - used. Its easy to be exactly where satan wants you to be - so he can spoil and sour all that is meant to be.
What's difficult? Saying - Its all yours God, I'm all yours, God. Saying I forgive you to others who have seriously hurt you. Getting up and worshipping God despite everything else going on around you and despite your circumstances. Not because its easy but because he deserves it. Accepting and rejoicing in the struggles, weaknesses and failures - learning from them and through them. Continuing to give, yes - sometimes, even, giving so much it hurts - because its what God would want you to do. Getting up and dedicating your full day to whatever God would have you do that day. Accepting HE does have you a part of this world and there is a reason for it. Just giving back. What's hard is being where it is that God wants you to be.
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