So this past Saturday I had a photoshoot.... The planned destination was Marquette Park in Miller. I have taken pictures there before and it turned out really well.... As I arrived at the park that day I noticed everything fenced off and "under construction!" As you can imagine - not good for a planned photoshoot and a photographer who has limited days to work with. Anyways - I sat in my car and prayed because I honestly didn't know how this was going to turn out or what we were going to do! I called her before I did and she wanted to still walk the grounds - She hadn't quite gotten there yet so she wasn't seeing what I was! When she got there she wanted pictures on the beach, so we walked down, did those and then we decided to walk the park.
There was one building that we both had noticed on the way in - It was still under a bit of construction, with grass being grown and the inside was closed. As we approached we noticed some "caution- do not enter" tape and decided we would do exactly the opposite of that I guess... Breaking a rule probably isn't the best way to do something but - Well, we live and we learn. So we walk to the back of the building and it is BEAUTIFUL! There were stairs, the brick was beautiful, pillars in the front, a rock thing that I used as a backround in one of the pictures and beautiful bridges that went over some of the water areas. So of course we had a hayday! We went and walked all over, took our pictures and laughed a lot too! Her mom and grandma had gotten distracted with a phone call and were looking for us - this is where we ran into the security guard. He didn't yell at us for being back there just asked if there were people who could be looking for us! So they found us and then the model needed to do a change of clothes. I decided that since I was having such good luck? already that we should try the doors on the back of the building.... She tried three of them and none of them were open but of course the one I try - it's open... Score! She runs in and behold a bathroom right inside! Her grandma also goes in and decides to use the restroom and we all laughed because it didn't have a door. The only thing that struck me was the fact that I heard "beep.... beep..... beep..... beep....beep, beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeppppppppppp!!!" An alarm! Fantastic! The security guard comes rushing around the side and tells us we aren't supposed to be in there and of course we are yelling at the girl to hurry and come out- and apologizing....
We didn't get into any trouble - We finished up the shoot and had a blast doing so. We did the pillars in front and then walked back to the beach! When I left I noticed Gary Police cars at every enterance of that building - they weren't letting anyone back there again that's for sure....
I told my husband that the whole thing had to be orchestrated by God - because I don't have that great of luck. He wasn't so sure because there was some bend of the rule in there.... All I know is that it was by far the best photoshoot I've ever been on, the most fun and that it could've fallen apart but it didn't and I remember praying that it wouldn't.
Cool and God or not - Which I still believe it was - Was such a good time. Oh and to top it all off - I was able to tell the girl that I prayed about it because I honestly wasn't sure what was going to come of the day and that my prayer was indeed answer. Another win.
I typed this fast and am probably missing a few parts and there may be some misspelled words in there or whatever. Lol
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Thursday, May 24, 2012
A little of what's goin on in my pretty little head! :p
Lately....
I notice more & more every day how much I allow my feelings to rule over me. It happens more often than I'd like that's for sure. It should be the exact opposite. No emotion/or feeling should have complete power over me - God should have that spot. He should be the one controlling my life, thoughts and decisions. I'm so human though and often I give into whatever may be the cause of my momentary insanity and allow them to make me think, do and say or make choices that aren't at all what God would've had me to think, do, say or decide!
Life is so cruel - I feel like such a woman sometimes... Ha! Seriously though they had it right about us women. We feel too much junk (emotion) and that takes away from the Spirit leading feeling! I tend to like that one MUCH better! The Spirit and I- when I cooperate we get along very well!
Striving to be dependent upon Him and interdependent in my other relationships because that's how it should be! He designed us to rely on Him completely and I'm still trying to get there! Learning so much lately and just thankful that He is patient in His guiding and teaching!
That's all :) Love you all!
I notice more & more every day how much I allow my feelings to rule over me. It happens more often than I'd like that's for sure. It should be the exact opposite. No emotion/or feeling should have complete power over me - God should have that spot. He should be the one controlling my life, thoughts and decisions. I'm so human though and often I give into whatever may be the cause of my momentary insanity and allow them to make me think, do and say or make choices that aren't at all what God would've had me to think, do, say or decide!
Life is so cruel - I feel like such a woman sometimes... Ha! Seriously though they had it right about us women. We feel too much junk (emotion) and that takes away from the Spirit leading feeling! I tend to like that one MUCH better! The Spirit and I- when I cooperate we get along very well!
Striving to be dependent upon Him and interdependent in my other relationships because that's how it should be! He designed us to rely on Him completely and I'm still trying to get there! Learning so much lately and just thankful that He is patient in His guiding and teaching!
That's all :) Love you all!
Monday, May 21, 2012
sit with me.
Would
you sit with me tonight?
I
want to
I
just want to see
How
the moonlight looks against your skin
I
wonder if it’s as beautiful
As
beautiful as the heart that I see
The
heart that’s on your sleeve
Would
you sit with me tonight?
I
want to
I
just want to touch
Your
cheek, like the moonlight it touches your cheek
So
beautifully, I want to feel your beauty
I
just want to see how the moonlight looks against your skin
I
wonder if it’d be as beautiful as the heart that I see
The
heart that’s on your sleeve, for me it’s always on your sleeve
Would
you sit with me tonight?
I
just want to
I
just want to see
Would
you look like the angel that you always seem to be
Pale
skinned, subtle eyes, glistening. You sitting with me would
Would
make me feel free, us two sitting sweetly…
Sit
with me tonight, but just for a little while
In
the moonlight we can sit.
just my thoughts :)
Today I started a new book that was lended to me by a dear friend. It's not really a devotional book persay but rather a book of testimonies about women who went through various trials/struggles and how they were brought back to the Lord from those trials/struggles.
It just had me thinking; I'm so incredibly thankful and grateful for all of that which God has brought me through. It seems as though my story pales in comparison to some of the ones in this book and I think when you have a really traumatic story it's cool to read how other people made it through even more traumatic events in the same way, really the only way there is- through Him.
In one of the stories - a girl who had been raped and of course I can relate because I have been molested, but anyways she ended up getting into all sorts of stuff such as: satanism, new age religion and just other things that completely ruined her life for a long time. At one point in the book she claims to have actually heard satan speaking to her! How insane is that, but honestly I can believe that it happened... Satan whispering thoughts that were actually orders: kill yourself and kill your family as well.... You'll never get out of this and you'll always be the same. You're never going to change....
If you have made it through something like rape/molestation you know how easy it is to swallow these lies and she did- she attempted suicide on more than one occasion. It's so sad to me because if you know the truth you know that it's the exact opposite of what God wants for you! It's so ironic though how mostly today - this doesn't even have to be satan speaking to every day women - It's usually other people! Just recently I had someone that made me feel this way - And I pretty much almost let it destroy my entire day.
It's insane to me the extremes that we go to all because of pain and abuse. And now, in the world that we live in it happens so much more than ever before. It isn't a rare thing at all. Just in the past year I probably have met 4 women/young women that have been abused or molested. It's so sad but I also am thankful again because each of them know the truth, they know who Jesus is and how important it is to have a relationship with Christ. And they also know what Christ has said about them, the promise's that He has made for their lives and how much He loves them! That is my prayer for so many women who suffer - That they might come to know of these truths as well and that they might be revealed to just how true it really is....
Another thing that I was thinking of is how often we compromise.... We allow ourselves to feel worthless - I know I still do at times... Because of the way other people talk to or treat us. We give them this power and we allow Christ a backseat while we feel these emotions and have all of these horrid thoughts. What a dopey compromise! It's seriously one of our greatest downfalls! Another note of thankfulness: Christ still see's us in our human weaknesses and puts positive people in our lives, verses in our minds and often for me- songs of praise in our thoughts! Without these things I would probably be far worse than I am today.
I think it's amazing how God never compromise's... After watching day in and day out, of probably very repetitive, disasterous compromising decisions and situations - He never compromise's His truths, His promise's and His love. It's always there. I don't have to worry about it being in jeporady, it's never going to be taken away and I'm never going to lose any of it. He never makes decisions that are going to result in my downfall or anyone else's or that is going to cause destruction. He never makes selfish decisions and He ALWAYS keeps us in the forefront of His mind. We are never on the back burner, He wants us to do love Him, He wants us to succeed, to be ok and good, He wants us to have a bright future, He wants us to have hope and love! So very glad of that!
Not sure what the point of this blog was.... Just to say I guess that I'm thankful that I didn't have it any worse than I did, that I am thankful for what He has brought me out of and very thankful of where I'm at now ... Oh and that I'm thankful for the Him and the people who help keep me here!
He is pretty cool.
I'm done blabbering now :) Sorry I haven't been posting lately - Let's just say I have a lot of "unpublished blogs" that I'm praying about posting!
Love y'all!
It just had me thinking; I'm so incredibly thankful and grateful for all of that which God has brought me through. It seems as though my story pales in comparison to some of the ones in this book and I think when you have a really traumatic story it's cool to read how other people made it through even more traumatic events in the same way, really the only way there is- through Him.
In one of the stories - a girl who had been raped and of course I can relate because I have been molested, but anyways she ended up getting into all sorts of stuff such as: satanism, new age religion and just other things that completely ruined her life for a long time. At one point in the book she claims to have actually heard satan speaking to her! How insane is that, but honestly I can believe that it happened... Satan whispering thoughts that were actually orders: kill yourself and kill your family as well.... You'll never get out of this and you'll always be the same. You're never going to change....
If you have made it through something like rape/molestation you know how easy it is to swallow these lies and she did- she attempted suicide on more than one occasion. It's so sad to me because if you know the truth you know that it's the exact opposite of what God wants for you! It's so ironic though how mostly today - this doesn't even have to be satan speaking to every day women - It's usually other people! Just recently I had someone that made me feel this way - And I pretty much almost let it destroy my entire day.
It's insane to me the extremes that we go to all because of pain and abuse. And now, in the world that we live in it happens so much more than ever before. It isn't a rare thing at all. Just in the past year I probably have met 4 women/young women that have been abused or molested. It's so sad but I also am thankful again because each of them know the truth, they know who Jesus is and how important it is to have a relationship with Christ. And they also know what Christ has said about them, the promise's that He has made for their lives and how much He loves them! That is my prayer for so many women who suffer - That they might come to know of these truths as well and that they might be revealed to just how true it really is....
Another thing that I was thinking of is how often we compromise.... We allow ourselves to feel worthless - I know I still do at times... Because of the way other people talk to or treat us. We give them this power and we allow Christ a backseat while we feel these emotions and have all of these horrid thoughts. What a dopey compromise! It's seriously one of our greatest downfalls! Another note of thankfulness: Christ still see's us in our human weaknesses and puts positive people in our lives, verses in our minds and often for me- songs of praise in our thoughts! Without these things I would probably be far worse than I am today.
I think it's amazing how God never compromise's... After watching day in and day out, of probably very repetitive, disasterous compromising decisions and situations - He never compromise's His truths, His promise's and His love. It's always there. I don't have to worry about it being in jeporady, it's never going to be taken away and I'm never going to lose any of it. He never makes decisions that are going to result in my downfall or anyone else's or that is going to cause destruction. He never makes selfish decisions and He ALWAYS keeps us in the forefront of His mind. We are never on the back burner, He wants us to do love Him, He wants us to succeed, to be ok and good, He wants us to have a bright future, He wants us to have hope and love! So very glad of that!
Not sure what the point of this blog was.... Just to say I guess that I'm thankful that I didn't have it any worse than I did, that I am thankful for what He has brought me out of and very thankful of where I'm at now ... Oh and that I'm thankful for the Him and the people who help keep me here!
He is pretty cool.
I'm done blabbering now :) Sorry I haven't been posting lately - Let's just say I have a lot of "unpublished blogs" that I'm praying about posting!
Love y'all!
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Vent
I love when people try and bring you down. They use their words to try and cut you in half, to try and make you feel like less of a person, they may lie to you or lie to others about you and many other things that can be done to make you feel quite literally horrible.
The funny thing that I find about this one particular person is - They almost always harp on my Christianity but claim to be a believer themselves. I have a bad attitude so therefore I need to work on having a better "Christian attitude" - Wait a minute... Didn't you just smoke a j in your garage? Didn't you just call me dumb and stupid? Didn't you just try to get into the middle of my marriage and cause me to fight with my husband? Didn't you just tell me that I was going to destroy my children's lives? What exactly is "Christian" about any of that? The difference is - I'm not going to throw any of this in your face, like you do mine because I realize that yeah, I may have a bad attitude and need to work on it but I already am and know that. I know and realize that I'm not perfect but here is another difference - I'm actually trying to be MORE LIKE CHRIST - What are you doing? Here is a thought: Don't come knocking on my door, texting my phone and emailing my husband about ME when YOU & I don't even have ANY SORT OF RELATIONSHIP AT ALL... There is a reason I am not close to you - And I think everyone can see why from what I said up above. Here is another difference between you and I - I am going to be praying for you because I believe you really need some understanding - a bright and shining moment of clarity on what loving Christ really looks like. Being called to love my enemies is taking it to the T with you and clearly God is trying to teach me this.
You will not get in between my husband and I - Your remarks made are false and I will not let them get to me - End of Story - Stop trying.
The funny thing that I find about this one particular person is - They almost always harp on my Christianity but claim to be a believer themselves. I have a bad attitude so therefore I need to work on having a better "Christian attitude" - Wait a minute... Didn't you just smoke a j in your garage? Didn't you just call me dumb and stupid? Didn't you just try to get into the middle of my marriage and cause me to fight with my husband? Didn't you just tell me that I was going to destroy my children's lives? What exactly is "Christian" about any of that? The difference is - I'm not going to throw any of this in your face, like you do mine because I realize that yeah, I may have a bad attitude and need to work on it but I already am and know that. I know and realize that I'm not perfect but here is another difference - I'm actually trying to be MORE LIKE CHRIST - What are you doing? Here is a thought: Don't come knocking on my door, texting my phone and emailing my husband about ME when YOU & I don't even have ANY SORT OF RELATIONSHIP AT ALL... There is a reason I am not close to you - And I think everyone can see why from what I said up above. Here is another difference between you and I - I am going to be praying for you because I believe you really need some understanding - a bright and shining moment of clarity on what loving Christ really looks like. Being called to love my enemies is taking it to the T with you and clearly God is trying to teach me this.
You will not get in between my husband and I - Your remarks made are false and I will not let them get to me - End of Story - Stop trying.
Tuesday, May 15, 2012
Thought Spill
Life is extremely busy lately and I'm not quite a fan of non-stop going but it's been ok. I'm such a fan of being home with my family. God has been doing some great things though and yesterday I had one of those moments - It just all kind of hits you.
You're driving in your car thinking of all life and it's little details and you realize - Everything is just as it should be. Life is the best it's ever been for you, you see all of the blessings and than have the unworthy feeling of knowing you don't deserve any of it. Yet somehow, God in His love for you wants you to have His joy, to succeed, to have a life abundant in Him and His riches and He is making that happen for you more and more every day. That is one cool moment folks. I'm so thankful and I don't have any doubts in life right now. I am where I should be, living where I'm supposed to be living, married to the man I'm supposed to be married to and raising the two precious little ones that God gave me. I'm striving to move into a closer relationship with Him, I am at an amazing Church and have an amazing position at that Church. I have the bestest friends ever, who I would most certainly do anything for and I am thankful for such amazing relationships! I feel like I have everything a person could ever want. My heart is so thankful and I'm just amazed at life and how it's turning out... God is faithful in His promises, I see it every day and I'm thankful that He chooses to show us and share with us when we're willing. I can't think of anything more amazing!
You're driving in your car thinking of all life and it's little details and you realize - Everything is just as it should be. Life is the best it's ever been for you, you see all of the blessings and than have the unworthy feeling of knowing you don't deserve any of it. Yet somehow, God in His love for you wants you to have His joy, to succeed, to have a life abundant in Him and His riches and He is making that happen for you more and more every day. That is one cool moment folks. I'm so thankful and I don't have any doubts in life right now. I am where I should be, living where I'm supposed to be living, married to the man I'm supposed to be married to and raising the two precious little ones that God gave me. I'm striving to move into a closer relationship with Him, I am at an amazing Church and have an amazing position at that Church. I have the bestest friends ever, who I would most certainly do anything for and I am thankful for such amazing relationships! I feel like I have everything a person could ever want. My heart is so thankful and I'm just amazed at life and how it's turning out... God is faithful in His promises, I see it every day and I'm thankful that He chooses to show us and share with us when we're willing. I can't think of anything more amazing!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
The Puppeteer
The Puppeteer
He is a gentle Man with hands soft and light as a feather
He moves swiftly, elegant in His pieces together
He may gently lift up your arms and so very delicately
He places them around someone else, a caress of comfort
I have no choice, no will of my own accord
I must do as He says, I must shadow Him and His beauty
He gently tugs the heart string, thump-bump slow and steady
He beats my heart for me and chooses to share what's inside
He pushes love outside of what is natural to me
He extends it to others and is unselfish in each new adventure
I have no desire to do what I want
Even if these strings were mine
I could not do as He does, it's too perfect
I must do as He says, I must shadow Him and His beauty
He moves my feet and guides them
His path is radiance and also quite intimidating
He gently nudges and is careful in His baby stepping me
He wants me to succeed, for His masterpiece would not be
Would not be complete if one of the strings were to be broken
I have no fear in what my Master does
I know that He must love me for He is very careful
I must do what He instructs
I will shadow His beauty
He lifts up my face so that I can see
I see all the sadness He is trying to free
He opens my ears so that I can hear
I hear all of His wonder, the time is drawing near
He moves me. My puppeteer - I love him, dearly.
The puppeteer's play is almost over
His work will be graceful
His work will be magnificent
In all it's grander, splendor devine
He sweetly instills his genius into me.
I am imbued with His Spirit
I am moved by His hands
I am touched by His inspiration
unfinished-
He is a gentle Man with hands soft and light as a feather
He moves swiftly, elegant in His pieces together
He may gently lift up your arms and so very delicately
He places them around someone else, a caress of comfort
I have no choice, no will of my own accord
I must do as He says, I must shadow Him and His beauty
He gently tugs the heart string, thump-bump slow and steady
He beats my heart for me and chooses to share what's inside
He pushes love outside of what is natural to me
He extends it to others and is unselfish in each new adventure
I have no desire to do what I want
Even if these strings were mine
I could not do as He does, it's too perfect
I must do as He says, I must shadow Him and His beauty
He moves my feet and guides them
His path is radiance and also quite intimidating
He gently nudges and is careful in His baby stepping me
He wants me to succeed, for His masterpiece would not be
Would not be complete if one of the strings were to be broken
I have no fear in what my Master does
I know that He must love me for He is very careful
I must do what He instructs
I will shadow His beauty
He lifts up my face so that I can see
I see all the sadness He is trying to free
He opens my ears so that I can hear
I hear all of His wonder, the time is drawing near
He moves me. My puppeteer - I love him, dearly.
The puppeteer's play is almost over
His work will be graceful
His work will be magnificent
In all it's grander, splendor devine
He sweetly instills his genius into me.
I am imbued with His Spirit
I am moved by His hands
I am touched by His inspiration
unfinished-
Tuesday, May 8, 2012
Monday, May 7, 2012
Opened eyes
My head spins and the thoughts swirl around; Dizzy with what life has to offer, waiting for what comes next and trying to pick up the pieces from what has already passed.
Sometimes it's intoxicating and you feel drunk on joy but also often times it's exhausting. That's when you feel drained and like you can't quite get a grip on keeping your head above the water. Like a fishing bobber, you have one half in and one half out. You're just waitin' on that one thing to pull you under.... The drunk on joy part comes in when you realize ~ You always have someone there to reel you in.... Jesus
I took a look back, just a glance over my shoulder the other night though and I must say.... God is everything good and when He gently pulled His hands away from my eyes so that I could really see~ He blinded me with His magisterial greatness....
I have had some questions about the past and especially lately. I think He is trying to help me see, but not only help me see but understand. He opens His mind up, extends His love and allows me to see with Spiritual eyes things that He perhaps has tried to show me in the past and I just didn't care enough to look.
I'm not sure why after all this time has pased that I'm finally seeing what He tried to show me before.... After much time has passed ~ Nothing can be changed about the past. Nevertheless - It's still a very great lesson....
He wants me to be open to Him and all that He may have for me.... He wants my heart to be open to His signs and His plans because they aren't only His plans but they're also mine. The blueprints He has for my life, well they're pretty detailed and I really don't want to miss anything just because I didn't care enough to look, question or ask.
He will give me instructions, He will plant seeds in my heart so that I may plant them in other's hearts, He will give me things and He will also take things away.... He will show love and extend comfort, He'll allow me to struggle so that I may become stronger and will always want an eager, willing and changing heart to be engaged in all of these events.
Trying really hard lately to be in tune to Him. Seems as though if I'm not in tune to Him ~ I'm just out there, floating.
Don't be blind to Him.... Open your eyes and allow Him to show you something that will change your life forever! And then perhaps you can share it with someone else so that their life may be changed forever as well....
Saturday, May 5, 2012
A poem.
I would wash your feet....
If we were just starting out or coming to an end
If we were falling apart and hanging by a thread
I would wash your feet
if we were separated for a time & later reunited
if we were the last two people standing
I would wash your feet
if you went blind and words were not enough
if you needed love or sick and needed help
I would wash your feet
If you were lying on your death bed
If you were paralyzed and needed to be fed
I would wash your feet
If you were happy and in love
If you were sad, lost or lonely
I would wash your feet
If you had nothing to give back
If you were poor and living on a street
I would wash your feet
One day you will see ~ I love you more than you know and I would wash your feet.
\
If we were just starting out or coming to an end
If we were falling apart and hanging by a thread
I would wash your feet
if we were separated for a time & later reunited
if we were the last two people standing
I would wash your feet
if you went blind and words were not enough
if you needed love or sick and needed help
I would wash your feet
If you were lying on your death bed
If you were paralyzed and needed to be fed
I would wash your feet
If you were happy and in love
If you were sad, lost or lonely
I would wash your feet
If you had nothing to give back
If you were poor and living on a street
I would wash your feet
One day you will see ~ I love you more than you know and I would wash your feet.
\
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Mirror, Mirror
One little thought, an idea that forms and that's spoken can be so mind consuming ....
- A mirror to show others what they look like to you.. And to see possibly even sometimes what you might look like to them.....
What do I look like to other people? What do they see?
Do they see what is most important to me? Do they see what takes home inside my heart?
Do they just see a pretty face or perhaps what only lays on the surface?
What do they see?
What do I show them?
What is most evident in my life?
- A mirror to show others what they look like to you.. And to see possibly even sometimes what you might look like to them.....
What do I look like to other people? What do they see?
Do they see what is most important to me? Do they see what takes home inside my heart?
Do they just see a pretty face or perhaps what only lays on the surface?
What do they see?
What do I show them?
What is most evident in my life?
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
lyrics
You had it all for a pretty little while
And some how you made me smile when I was sad
You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart
Then you realized you wanted what you had
I guess I should've been more like that
And some how you made me smile when I was sad
You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart
Then you realized you wanted what you had
I guess I should've been more like that
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