To: My Dear .....

If I could give you a hug and tell you how much I miss you ~ I would.... If I could let you know that no matter what I'll always be here, praying and that I'll always love you ~ I would... If I could just sit beside you for a moment in a way that would say, you're not alone~ I would.... If I could be there like I was before ~ I would...

It doesn't really matter how much time passes or if we don't get to see each other ever ~ the fact is that when you learn to really love someone with all your heart that never goes away because love isn't just a feeling, it's a committment .... I commit to love you because you deserve to be loved. I got to know you and your heart, both of these things are beautiful.

I want the very best for you though and right now it seems as though ~ God has a plan and the best thing is for me not to be in your life. Although this is very sad to both of us it doesn't change the fact that He has all the answers we need. We just need to be patient and trust that His will be done.

Praying for you always ~ love you always!

Time use

My mind is really quite blank and drab today! I keep getting lost in thought- I'm a dreamer what can I say? :)

I do have this ~ I'm going to start note carding Scripture and it's probably going to start taking over my house... I feel like I know a lot of Scripture and then I think about how much is actually in the Bible! I realize I truly don't know enough. So this shall be starting soon.

I'm amazed at how overwhelming we allow life to be and yes; I do believe it is an allowance of our energies,time and feelings. Our days come and are gone, our lives here on earth are like shadows. I don't want to look back and think, wow all of that time gone and it was all so gruesome and tiring. I want to look back and think that I did something worth the time He's given. And of course if we are going to get all Biblical ~ Hiding God's word in our hearts is a pretty good way to do this! ;)

I can think of a million things that will happen today, but what I want to know is - which of these things and memories am I going to remember in a year?

I'll give you one fun one from my day at the end of the night.

musings/poetry

You didn't know it but when you walked by I stuck a piece of my heart into your back pocket... The problem you see is that now you keep sitting on it. I wish you would've known that I gave this piece of my heart to you because when you sit on it, it hurts just a little. It doesn't really matter though because it's your piece now and I don't want it back. You can carry it with you for now and into eternity, because even though sometimes you sit on it and it hurts ~ It's worth it. You seem to really deserve this piece and so it shall be yours ~ forever.

just whatever

So I'm run/walking a longer distance now, running intervals of 3 minutes and 1 1/2 minutes - You take turns with walking and running on each of these times, etc... I usually don't go this far in distance- normally do 1 1/2 miles but if I'm wanting to run a 3k in May ~ I guess I just wanna try and push myself a little harder. It wasn't too bad and I don't feel too bad right now. I suppose we shall see how I feel in the am!

Lessons from today:
God is cool and so is His word - I'm reading Job and Galatians - Also Psalms 107 is amazing.
I stink at making cookies.
I need to keep my mouth closed.
I need to take my lil men to the park more often and fly kites, roll down hills and who knows what else.. It was awesome. They are both amazing.
I need to eat avocado on my sandwiches more often.
I'm a sucker for the people I love.
I'm pretty much in love with Jon Foreman and his solo music.... Fyi ~ There is a river in my eyes.

This may hurt- just a little

God is teaching me:
I thought for the most part - I was doing great in life, believing that my walk with Christ is pretty strong and that I do a pretty good job at just being in relationship with Him. I think I was very wrong. He is indeed my Father and Friend - but what kind of friend am I? He was willing to give His only son in sacrifice for me and to save a wretched, horrible person like me. He gave me eternity. If I had to give up one of my children -  I could probably easily think - Wow, I could probably give anything up for Him ....
I can't say that though - I think and truly believe that God is trying to get me to that point. What am I willing to give up for Him? Anything? Is He really everything I say He is- everything that the word says He is and I believe He is? And if He is then why can't I let go of a few things for Him if He asks?
Will I when the time comes or maybe the time is now and He is just waiting and breaking until it's done.

Praying, seeking and learning. This may hurt, just a little... Or A lot.

when the heart hurts ~

Even when our hearts are broken- God is still working. Perhaps it's when He is working His strongest of works in our lives.

Lord,
Please help me on this rough road called life. For I know that you are strength and endurance and in You I will and can accomplish every work that You might have for me to accomplish. Please I beg, help me to focus on the unseen and meditate on what is eternal. Lord, I know that your plans are perfect and that you set out my path even before my first heart beat. I praise you for strategically planning every event in my life so that these events might bring me closer to You. Thank you for knowing that I'm a sinful woman, horribly human and flawed and for having patience and mercy. Allow me to draw near to you in my struggle against the world and flesh, help me to always seek out the right way and accept truth. I praise you because I believe You are it, You are life - My life. You are Creator and Redeemer - You are Love and Forgivness. Thank you for hearing my prayers for I know that you are the Only One that can answer. I pray in Jesus name - Amen

music ~

http://youtu.be/301S7NgAkLs

This song is pretty amazing ~ Have a listen and close your eyes while you do!

Pursuit of Happiness

The world is full of hopeless souls. They're searching for something to fill their nothing. They want to be cared for, loved, wanted and needed. They want to be valued and they need to matter. To someone or something- often times it seems like they'll do anything.

They taste human love and touch human lust, it feels good and they want to hold unto it. However, since our human love is so flawed, our lust/want/need for something/someone specific is often very temporary, we have to venture on to someone/something new, perhaps the hobby that you so loved before doesn't fit in with your lifestyle anymore or fulfill your desire to be a part of something and so you have to pour yourself into something new. Maybe that relationship that you had where you were so in love before isn't quite working out now... Now you feel it's time to move on because it's obviously not you that has the issues...And really...

 None of these ever filling what really needs filling. It's amazing that after several failed attempts at temporary/worldly happiness, you keep on trying for that same goal. Never really raising the standard, even if a few alterations are made- in the end you're still searching for the same thing....
How exhausting.... Took me years to learn this one on my own & I'm sure everyone is different but I am so glad I finally got it. Even if I do need reminders every now & again... :)

 

I don't need any of this temporal happiness, I don't need to seek the world and it's "fulfilling" stuff.... Because it's honestly not very fulfilling at all anyways... I don't need to have some person to put my hope in, and I don't need someone else to know for myself that I am worth something... Why would I give someone that right anyways? I don't need someone to make me feel loved, all warm and fuzzy.... Even if it does feel nice -  even that feeling doesn't last very long....
What I do need - I need Christ to be my center. I need to know and remember that I am always worth something, because that's why He created me.... I need to know that I have love, in the most pure form. I need to serve Him, because that alone gives happiness, joy and peace.... And it's the truest and purest form of those three things I have ever felt...

Deep down I believe this is what all people are truly searching for and maybe they just don't know it. That void that often times seems a relentless pursuit to fill can be filled in an instant. Your heart can be mended and the search can end. He really is love, peace and joy. I pray that more people can find the right filler, the ONLY filler there is that's really going to fill and even OVER FILL to OVERFLOWING! He is it, Jesus is it.

I just need Him... All of the other stuff He blesses me with - those, well, those are just bonus's...

In Job

Job 5: 8-20
However, if I were you, I would appeal to God and would present my case to Him.
He does great and unsearchable things, wonders without number.
He gives rain to the earth and sends water to the fields.
He sets the lowly on high, and mourners are lifted to safety.
He frustrates the schemes of the crafty so that they achieve no success.
He traps the wise in their craftiness so that the plans of the deceptive are quickly but to an end.
They encounter darkness by day, and they grope at noon as if it were night.
He saves the needy from their sharp swords and from the clutches of the powerful.
So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth.
See how happy the man is God corrects; so do not reject the discipline of the Almighty.
For He crushes but also binds up; He strikes, but His hands also heal.
He will rescue you from six calamities; no harm will touch you in seven.
In famine He will redeem you from death, and in battle, from the power of sword....


(Eliphaz; in first response to Job.)


What an amazing outlook on who God is and how He works.

focus

It's all about your priorities/ responsibilities and when those aren't in alignment you should be prepared to stumble/fall flat on your face, question life and things, doubt your faith maybe even and who knows what else.
Keep it straight and focus on what is most important. The Bible has a pretty clear idea of what/who comes first -> Him, and then spouse, family and then everything/one else.

Just a nice reminder. I think I've been falling short in this area lately. Lesson learned. Besides no matter the amount of stuff you have to do if it isn't what God needs from you that day - you're basically doing it for nothing and etc.

pish posh

Not to sure if this blog will have a point. I guess I just feel the need to write. :)

This week has been kind of interesting already and it's only Tuesday night, but I suppose that is just how life seems to go these days. Yesterday was a not so hot day just in the area of - God breaking me down and then putting me back together in the way He wants kinda day. I always love the end result of this process, don't get me wrong but man the during seems brutal. The next day which would be today is always better and so it was. I felt more connected, refreshed and just more intimate with Him. I'm not quite sure how other people work, but I am thankful for how He has made me in the fact that I don't mind feeling the conviction or the rearranging of attitudes/dispositions or etc. I actually much prefer that I did feel this process because if I didn't I'm not too sure I would be positive He was actually present in my life. Not sure if this even makes sense! :)

The way I feel now though is that - I'm supposed to be getting somewhere or doing something, perhaps there is something on the horizon (which as of late seems to steal the show) - So of course because I am such an impatient little creature, it seems I am always looking for what exactly that could be. Honestly though I'm not too sure if I should be looking... Maybe and maybe not. God is going to do something amazing, will I be able to see it for what it's worth though? I hope so. Seems like there is always a loss that comes with a win though. I wonder how He feels when He loses a soul? I know He must feel brokenhearted and then I wonder - what exactly does a perfect King's broken heart feel like? If my imperfect puny little heart could be crushed and hurt so badly and His, well His is perfect... I couldn't even imagine what it feels like when His heart breaks. We must work harder to save souls because I sure don't want my precious God's heart to break. Him and His love - it's most incredible.

I think it is time to sleep.
If anyone reads this - I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense to you! Hahaha........

A prayer/poem about Him.

Lord, you're always faithful to rescue and hear me in my time of need
Your heart swells with joy when I cry to you, all while the devil tries to plant his seeds.
God, you are my Rock when I feel I am down to just dust
Your heart swells with pride as I lean on only you for strengthening trust.
Jesus, you're my sweet salvation not only eternally but on a daily basis as I face life here temporarily.
Your heart swells with honor as I give up everything to proclaim Christ's name in love purely.

{unfinished}

struggle

Hebrews 12:11
Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it. ♥

Just simply asking God "Why am I struggling- why am I having trouble and pain?" That act alone can really humble you and in and of itself can draw you closer to God.

It also shows an open and willing heart, to be rebuked, changed and shows you want to grow. The more you are willing the closer you'll get in your relationship with Him.


Does it ever seem like you're always struggling with the SAME sin? It's just like that thorn in your side or that pain in your butt - and it relentlessly drags you down and is so overrly annoying that you just want to scream sometimes? Here is a slice of good news, not quite like that warm slice of pie but still pretty good; You will get past it - if you are truly trying to be pleasing to God, sticking to His promise's and letting Him guide you in your life and following His path. You may seem like you're stuck in the same boat you were 6 months ago, but take a good hard look back and I'm sure you will see you're making progress, even if it does seem like you're running in sand to get there.

Every time I start to struggle with this certain thing I literally spend time on my face just crying because not only does it not make sense to me but I hate it. However, the thing that I notice is that I'm also talking to Him quite a bit during that time just asking Him to get me through it and to be who He says He is. He is comforter, He is salvation, He is healer and He is strength and endurance. I believe that is exactly where He wants me & not only when I am struggling or suffering but just every day. He helps me through it every single time too and it makes it well worth while because I feel so much closer to Him than I did before. It's almost as if every single time I get just a step closer to Him and the love I have for Him increases that much more to.

When you are struggling try and embrace Him. It not only makes the struggle worth it in the end but it also makes it so much easier to bear. After you are through the struggle - You WILL be stronger, more spiritually grown and you will be just all around better.

poetry - for fun.

I can see my face and the melancholy in my eyes
they are searching for yours trying hard to disguise
I can feel my hand it's reaching to touch yours
i wait anxiously as the pain and tears pour
I anticipate my heart beat increase at the thought of your name
to actually utter the word it's just never the same.
I can feel myself yearn for your comforting words,
in time i've experienced and trust has been earned.
I feel my soul and it knows yours so well
unkown to me why I ever fell.

[unfinished]

A running start

I've had the urge to run for about a month now and although I'm not quite sure what this will actually turn out to be, I thought I would at least try to suffice my "craving" and give it a whirl. :)

So today I ran a big block - a little over a mile. Now I don't want to fool you, I probably actually really only ran about 3/4 of that lil over a mile! Haha - Nevertheless, something that I found pure joy in when I was running was that it was just me and God. It actually made me laugh and praise Him because not only was it just Him and I - It was His creation as well. I just looked up at the sky and started to giggle because it was so beautiful. It wasn't quite dark enough that the stars just looked like bright lights, no - the sky was a beautiful blue and the stars they just looked so amazing... I giggled and laughed and that just made me praise Him even more. Loved that part of it but didn't quite enjoy the part where I realized just how out of shape I actually am! Haha.... Going to keep at it though for sure because I absolutely loved that 20 minutes!

First running day: Success

Reflection of the past

Was just thinking over all of what God has done in the past 4 years or so ... Let me tell ya - when you actually take time to reflect on everything that happens over time, it is almost impossible not to awe over God's plan being played out in your life. He is so very amazing, gracious, loving, and quite frankly - He is so very creative and genius!

1) 2008 - Landon Jack Briner entered the world!!! Amazing little man God blessed me with! Wow!

2) Lil Man (Christopher) started school - that was scary and sad for this mama.... He is doing well and is just getting so big and smart! They grow so fast!

3) I prayed for years, from the time I was a little girl to the age of probably 18 to meet my little sister (Alex) who had been given up for adoption. God answered that prayer when I was 25. It was and has been the most amazing answer to prayer. We have become such great friends and we have the most amazing sister like bond ever. It did take a bit of time and effort, and a little mischief but we did get there! :) I love her so very much!


4) I met a pastor guy at a hospital waiting room because of a mutual friend. He and his wife are mine and my husbands very good friends now! He is also happens to be the pastor of the church we now attend faithfully!


5) My marriage almost failed but by the grace of God and some help/counsel from some very good friends - It succeeded instead! One of those friends/counselors was that pastor guy I mentioned above... (coincidence???) - No, I don't think so! :) :) :)


6) Cj and I started attending Harvest regularly and became a part of the youth team -- talk about the most amazing experience ever! I love the teens and working with them with every ounce of who I am and I know this is where God wants me to be working!

7) I was re-united with my little brother. Honestly, after much prayer I had given up on the thought of actually getting to see him again before I died. Once again, God answered that prayer and awed me with His amazing grace. It was just good for my heart to see him again.

Just to list a few of the major things that have happened in our lives the past four years.... Looking back on it all, it is completely amazing to "re-watch" so to speak. Remembering all the ways God has working in and through our lives, I am so grateful and thankful. I can't even express it here though.

Take some time out of life to reflect on what has passed!

Peace and Joy and HIM!

Why can't every day be like today? A day where you just want to dance, a day where you just want to sing, a day where almost everything that enters into mind is something that just makes you want to giggle, and a day where no matter what happens, you always have in your mind the greatness that IS God....

Maybe I am asking myself the wrong question though - Why CAN'T every day be like today? I think I'm learning that it can be. Every day can be the most wonderful and lovely day if I just move myself out of the way and continue to let God have control over them! I am learning much and I truly believe that I'm finally learning what it means to have HIS PEACE throughout all of my days, even when things aren't good, perfect, and right.

Today I set a new goal - to make my every day like today. To always keep in mind just how GREAT my God truly is -  just how truly wonderful HE IS. Always remembering that I have freedom because OF HIM and that I am SAVED from a life of sadness and death. I will rest in His promise's and will live out my life in complete sacrifice to Him and His mission!

:) :) :) :) :) :) Yeah! Life is good because I have Him!

potholes

Have you ever gotten into your car to go somewhere, started driving in the direction you need to go and along the way you hit that damaging pot hole? You may be with your family or perhaps just your spouse and so then your spouse gets aggravated and possibly even you do to? You get annoyed with that pothole because you know the damage it does to the vehicle and of course although it there isn't any immediate damage, it's the known fact that over time - those potholes start to wear the body of the vehicle, especially the tires. You get annoyed and you start to really think about that pothole; why doesn't someone fill or fix this, why are there so many potholes,  and why do I ALWAYS have to hit that dang pothole! Yeah, it seems like a small annoyance as you read this but we have all been there, especially me. My husband always gets so irritated and it does irritate me too, I don't always have the money to throw down for a new set of tires or if you hit a big enough one - it might have rattled something loose...

As I was thinking about this theory - It made me think of the many "potholes" that are in our actual lives. Perhaps your pothole is sin, or just a not so great habit, and maybe it's just a void that you keep trying to fill with things or people and it should actually be filled with God. Maybe your pothole doesn't seem like that big of a pothole - yet. The problem with these "potholes" though is that, if you DON'T get them filled or fix them, they just keep getting bigger and bigger, and they even end up doing more damage then what you had originally thought. I know that I personally have had some pretty massive potholes in my life and of course it took me a while to figure out how to fix and fill these and also how to restore the damage done because of those potholes... Trust me when I say - If you are reading this and you have a pothole, do not wait, please go and get it right, fix and fill this pothole. Waiting just makes things so much worse and after all the damage has been done, it's a much bigger mess & more damage to clean up after...

So I know that I keep going on about fixing/filling these potholes and you're probably wondering how to do that. Possibly you may be and maybe not. While I do not have all of the answers because I'm just a peon of a human, I do know what has worked for me and I also have some scripture for you! The one place you can always rely on to have an answer waiting for you - The Word!

In the Bible it talks about, after transformation and becoming one with Christ, you put off the old self and put on the new. Which means since you now have forgiveness and new life, instead of continuing on in sin you want to embrace good and do what is pleasing to Him. We do this by taking our negative and sinful habits and we replace them with positive, Godly responses and actions. We are transformed in our hearts and because of that we also have to be transformed in our thinking. I believe this is a major tool, when you are trying to replace anything negative with something positive, you ALWAYS have to find something to fill that negative pattern or habit. If you don't then your mind really has no solution when you come to that crossroad. I suggest that you find something that is scriptually based and stick with it because it can be done, especially when you have God in your life.  (Ephesians 4:22-24, Phillipians 4:13) If it's a sin pattern it's obvious that repentance would need to take place (1 John 1:8-10). Ask Christ to forgive you and ask Him to help show you the right way, to soften your heart toward Him and His word. Take a look inside of His word and really study it, prayer for His wisdom and instruction to change your heart (James 1:22-25). Another great thing is to find accountability in another christian friend (James 5:16). We all need it and it shouldn't be something we're ashamed or afraid of each other passing judgement... Be willing to be changed by Him, be willing to let Him fix and fill you and then when you see your life start to change - praise HIM for that work in your life.


I did not proofread this ;)

Grace

Grace


I do believe that since we all are wretched sinners, that in love we should extend grace to one another... However, Is there a point in time where continually giving the same person, grace repeatedly, becomes more a matter of not holding that person accountable for their sin? If we are always showing mercy, when and where does consequence of poor actions/sin come in? Do we just allow things to go on and continue on in that direction until judgement day? Although we aren't supposed to judge each other and it really isn't in our place to give justice, we were given leaders and overseer's for a reason. It says so in the Bible that we are to obey authority, does it not? So then, if that is their job - shouldn't they  do something? And then if they do not, if we aren't holding each other accountable, then aren't we sinning as well?
I don't know, I mean I know that we are all sinners and always sinning because that is our nature. I honestly don't know if my authoritive figures though, if they would have just kept on showing me mercy and letting me slide because they "love me" would have taught me anything. Although I am sure there were also times that they did show me grace and that was the end of it and things were good.
I have been hearing this a lot lately - "We need to show more grace" - - Or maybe we have been showing way to MUCH grace and that is why we are here - where we are at.
Just a thought.
I love my neighbor - but if my neighbor takes his trash and dumps it all over my yard and continues to do so - I can only "extend grace" for so long before action needs to take place. It would become so much more than just litter and trash on my lawn, it would be sin on both sides.