pish posh

Not to sure if this blog will have a point. I guess I just feel the need to write. :)

This week has been kind of interesting already and it's only Tuesday night, but I suppose that is just how life seems to go these days. Yesterday was a not so hot day just in the area of - God breaking me down and then putting me back together in the way He wants kinda day. I always love the end result of this process, don't get me wrong but man the during seems brutal. The next day which would be today is always better and so it was. I felt more connected, refreshed and just more intimate with Him. I'm not quite sure how other people work, but I am thankful for how He has made me in the fact that I don't mind feeling the conviction or the rearranging of attitudes/dispositions or etc. I actually much prefer that I did feel this process because if I didn't I'm not too sure I would be positive He was actually present in my life. Not sure if this even makes sense! :)

The way I feel now though is that - I'm supposed to be getting somewhere or doing something, perhaps there is something on the horizon (which as of late seems to steal the show) - So of course because I am such an impatient little creature, it seems I am always looking for what exactly that could be. Honestly though I'm not too sure if I should be looking... Maybe and maybe not. God is going to do something amazing, will I be able to see it for what it's worth though? I hope so. Seems like there is always a loss that comes with a win though. I wonder how He feels when He loses a soul? I know He must feel brokenhearted and then I wonder - what exactly does a perfect King's broken heart feel like? If my imperfect puny little heart could be crushed and hurt so badly and His, well His is perfect... I couldn't even imagine what it feels like when His heart breaks. We must work harder to save souls because I sure don't want my precious God's heart to break. Him and His love - it's most incredible.

I think it is time to sleep.
If anyone reads this - I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense to you! Hahaha........