Friday, November 1, 2013
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
lately
Feeling a little buried lately. I wish it were beneath a million blankets - that'd be tons better. And then there are days like today... A little glimmer of something sweet. And so extremely difficult, too. And even though it is difficult - it makes so much difference. Why?
Doing an online bible study thing with a group of gals. And all of the verses remind me of just how much it starts with me. Where am I at? I've had difficulty in knowing that lately. I'm not really in a season of growth, or haven't been and that's ok because I had just gotten out of a really hard one. However - just because I'm not I still have my relationship to maintain. How is that going? I've been doing so much and I really haven't even thought about it and yet I've been doing all the normal things. Listening to my worship, getting my worship on - reading the Word, not as much - admittedly. And I'm doing all the regular life stuff. But I just feel buried. Not really "functioning" persay as, a christian woman. I just want to be alone.
I'm not really a "go through the motions" type of person, but that's exactly how it feels. Nothing has penetrated my heart or mind lately. Gods spirit moves me in Worship, but that's where it ends.
Seasons of life, - fun. :p
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Saturday, October 12, 2013
scripture for the season of the storm
Psalm 77:1-13
I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah
You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.”
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah
Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
I cry aloud to God,
aloud to God, and he will hear me.
In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out without wearying;
my soul refuses to be comforted.
When I remember God, I moan;
when I meditate, my spirit faints. Selah
You hold my eyelids open;
I am so troubled that I cannot speak.
I consider the days of old,
the years long ago.
I said, “Let me remember my song in the night; let me meditate in my heart.”
Then my spirit made a diligent search:
“Will the Lord spurn forever,
and never again be favorable?
Has his steadfast love forever ceased?
Are his promises at an end for all time?
Has God forgotten to be gracious?
Has he in anger shut up his compassion?” Selah
Then I said, “I will appeal to this,
to the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your wonders of old.
I will ponder all your work,
and meditate on your mighty deeds.
Your way, O God, is holy.
What god is great like our God?
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Monday, September 30, 2013
what may be easy isnt always best
Its easy to curl up in bed - to lay there without any need of feeling. To lay motionless, as if you're not even a part of the world that's moving around you anymore. Because that's honestly how you feel on somedays. Its easy to cry, because it feels good. And its even easier to keep on crying. Because even though you feeling as though you're letting it all go - you know you're really not. Its still there and no matter how much you cry - its never going away. You've tried. Its there. To smother. To choke out. To hide. To try and extinguish. To attempt to move on. Its easy to be confused and to live in that confusion because understanding isn't an option in this season. It is easy to lose heart, to feel crushed - broken. To feel ugly, unwanted - to feel used. So easy to feel used when you've been just that - used. Its easy to be exactly where satan wants you to be - so he can spoil and sour all that is meant to be.
What's difficult? Saying - Its all yours God, I'm all yours, God. Saying I forgive you to others who have seriously hurt you. Getting up and worshipping God despite everything else going on around you and despite your circumstances. Not because its easy but because he deserves it. Accepting and rejoicing in the struggles, weaknesses and failures - learning from them and through them. Continuing to give, yes - sometimes, even, giving so much it hurts - because its what God would want you to do. Getting up and dedicating your full day to whatever God would have you do that day. Accepting HE does have you a part of this world and there is a reason for it. Just giving back. What's hard is being where it is that God wants you to be.
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Tuesday, September 3, 2013
music
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VVgixOjGhVU&feature=youtube_gdata_player
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Monday, July 8, 2013
pish posh
People need to grow up. And I figure I'm pretty over such cowardice actions by certain individuals.
Another note - life has been adventerous and everything wonderful. Mostly.
Fyi: I was recently waterboarded by a marine- only for the reason of curiousity. Talk about crazy. Definitely a torture tool that works. Wow.
God is good all the time. I am just trying to keep up. :)
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Wednesday, May 29, 2013
A moment
Have you ever had one of those days where you sit down and then feel as though your head is spinning? The past month or so, perhaps a bit longer have been so busy and filled with details - I quite literally feel like I'm losing my mind! I know that it will slow down or at least I thought it would at first, but here I am today going over a bazillion little details for yet another crazy busy weekend. I just need some stillness. It's good and bad, there are those moments where you stop and can tell that you're really running the race, giving it every ounce of your being. Giving until it hurts, on occasion... Why can't I be more than just simply human? And then I wouldn't get tired, or feel any stress or pressure... If only I could be some sort of angelic being with all of these superfluous qualities that allows for more of all this.
I must be off.
I must be off.
Friday, May 17, 2013
You come to realize in life that the harder you struggle for something or to be a certain way, the more you know that you really want it. The past couple years have been really hard at times - excruciating in moments, where I've been completely broken & just overwhelmed. In all of that time though the thing that I was struggling for was just to be more of the woman I know God wants me to be. Struggling to be more "righteous," to live in purity & so much else, just so many other things. I just wanted to be more like Christ.
I'm looking back now & through all of the difficulty & stress, pushing & stretching I realize that I was getting it right the entire time. I didn't give up. I allowed Him to grow me no matter the cost, struggle or temporary pain. I struggled so much, but you know what that tells me? That I really wanted it. I really want a heart that is seeking to follow after Him.
And that is encouraging today. And I pray that He keeps on growing me & that I continue to allow Him to also.
A happy heart is one that finds itself delighting in the Lord!
I'm looking back now & through all of the difficulty & stress, pushing & stretching I realize that I was getting it right the entire time. I didn't give up. I allowed Him to grow me no matter the cost, struggle or temporary pain. I struggled so much, but you know what that tells me? That I really wanted it. I really want a heart that is seeking to follow after Him.
And that is encouraging today. And I pray that He keeps on growing me & that I continue to allow Him to also.
A happy heart is one that finds itself delighting in the Lord!
Friday, May 3, 2013
Monday, April 22, 2013
Praying.
Lord,
You know my heart when it's hurting and broken, when there are no words to be spoken you still hear. Where is my love? Is it focused on you? I'm trying, and even in my trying I'm still somehow crumbled and shaken all over the ground like bits of what seems as less than dust. I can't help but be uncertain about what is happening and why - in my mind I know You already have a plan, but the question still lingers - will I trust that? Please, continue to stretch and grow - take away what you may or provide what you will and wont. Forgive me in my falling short - I'm helpless without every bit of You. I know I've made mistakes and I ask that you help me to identify them, I wanna change and be more, better. What is Your will O my sweet Lord that you would want me? Show me day by day who I can be, what I can do for You and to bring Your name praise and glory. Do what You can with what I've made - a wretched mess .And help me to trust You alone. There is no man to be praised, no man to be trusted and Lord, You're the One who works all things together for my life - Your life. Thank you for your patience, but most of all for really loving me.
In Your name
Amen
You know my heart when it's hurting and broken, when there are no words to be spoken you still hear. Where is my love? Is it focused on you? I'm trying, and even in my trying I'm still somehow crumbled and shaken all over the ground like bits of what seems as less than dust. I can't help but be uncertain about what is happening and why - in my mind I know You already have a plan, but the question still lingers - will I trust that? Please, continue to stretch and grow - take away what you may or provide what you will and wont. Forgive me in my falling short - I'm helpless without every bit of You. I know I've made mistakes and I ask that you help me to identify them, I wanna change and be more, better. What is Your will O my sweet Lord that you would want me? Show me day by day who I can be, what I can do for You and to bring Your name praise and glory. Do what You can with what I've made - a wretched mess .And help me to trust You alone. There is no man to be praised, no man to be trusted and Lord, You're the One who works all things together for my life - Your life. Thank you for your patience, but most of all for really loving me.
In Your name
Amen
Thursday, April 18, 2013
On life and dreams
Well, my dreams have done it again. I'll get to it in a sec - first some background info.
It's no secret that I really want to have a little girl. My husband and I have talked a lot about the idea, but have never committed to it due to the fact we know full well if we try for another child - a girl is in no way guaranteed. Anyway, I've still pretty much held on to the idea, prayed about it and it just hasn't gone away. I've always allowed myself time to entertain the name game - What will her name be? And there is one name I've always loved so I thought for sure her name would have to be it. Right? Why wouldn't it be the one name I think is so utterly cute and unique...Haha
One night though I had a dream about having a little girl, but in my dream her first name wasn't what I had originally thought it to be. It really wasn't even a name that I would think of or even consider if not for the dream. Abigail - making her first and middle name ~ Abigail Oakley. :D Don't you love it? I do. So from that point on I kind of insisted to myself that if I ever had a girl her name would have to be Abigail Oakley. What I didn't think of til days later (possibly weeks later) is wondering if there was an Abigail in the Bible. So of course, I search her name and find a story all about the coolness of Abigail, the beautiful and smart woman in the Old Test. I read her story and I'm not really sure if dreams ever really do mean anything - I know a lot of people say they don't. In my lifetime though, I've had a couple dreams that have really changed my life or perspective on things in my life.. Even if it does mean something - I'm not sure quite what because it could be a number of things. Or even if it doesn't - I think it's kind of cool how it came to me and how the two names seem to be really pretty together. Maybe God just wants her name to be Abigail Oakley - I don't know, but this made my desire to have a little girl even more like real or maybe, possibly God will actually give me my little girl. I'll be excited to find out - especially since Cj seems to be leaning more and more in the same direction.
That's my post for today ~ :)
It's no secret that I really want to have a little girl. My husband and I have talked a lot about the idea, but have never committed to it due to the fact we know full well if we try for another child - a girl is in no way guaranteed. Anyway, I've still pretty much held on to the idea, prayed about it and it just hasn't gone away. I've always allowed myself time to entertain the name game - What will her name be? And there is one name I've always loved so I thought for sure her name would have to be it. Right? Why wouldn't it be the one name I think is so utterly cute and unique...Haha
One night though I had a dream about having a little girl, but in my dream her first name wasn't what I had originally thought it to be. It really wasn't even a name that I would think of or even consider if not for the dream. Abigail - making her first and middle name ~ Abigail Oakley. :D Don't you love it? I do. So from that point on I kind of insisted to myself that if I ever had a girl her name would have to be Abigail Oakley. What I didn't think of til days later (possibly weeks later) is wondering if there was an Abigail in the Bible. So of course, I search her name and find a story all about the coolness of Abigail, the beautiful and smart woman in the Old Test. I read her story and I'm not really sure if dreams ever really do mean anything - I know a lot of people say they don't. In my lifetime though, I've had a couple dreams that have really changed my life or perspective on things in my life.. Even if it does mean something - I'm not sure quite what because it could be a number of things. Or even if it doesn't - I think it's kind of cool how it came to me and how the two names seem to be really pretty together. Maybe God just wants her name to be Abigail Oakley - I don't know, but this made my desire to have a little girl even more like real or maybe, possibly God will actually give me my little girl. I'll be excited to find out - especially since Cj seems to be leaning more and more in the same direction.
That's my post for today ~ :)
Monday, April 8, 2013
Overdue
I'm supposed to be brand new, right? I can say that I know I'm definitely moving in the right direction. Becoming more Christ like daily.... But I'm gonna be honest and say - I rarely feel brand new. I feel old, on some days more broken than ever before. The funny thing is - I'm ok with that part because I know it means I'm going through the growing and stretching... I'm changing into something better - I can see that in myself... The most frustrating thing for me is that I'm failing a lot. Or there is this one area that always hurts, and I keep giving it right back to Him, ya know? Am I doing it right? I don't know because it just keeps being thrown in my face. I'm constantly challenged with the same thing. I pray and if God is strengthening me through it - Fine, I'll struggle for it. By all means, bring it on... I'm just never really sure. Please, Lord, refine me as much as You'd like, but please give me some sign that I've made some progress..
I wish I could take my friends place. I wish that the Lord would've decided to give me cancer instead of her... And I know He knows what He's doing, but I thoroughly loathe seeing this particular struggle. I'm learning a little about what feeling helpless in a situation feels like... There isn't much one can do when all of the physical horrid junk takes over ones body. I just want to do more. Praying for my friend and just really not liking this whole not being able to do anything while your friend suffers thing. Blah. No fun.
Off to bed...
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
3 favorites
Things I'm favoring lately....
Prayers with my sweet little men. I love when they want to pray and lately it seems so much more. Landon is a thanker - He loves thanking God for EVERYTHING. :) Including the special people in his life. His prayers always humble me. He never asks & I know he'll learn that it's ok to ask, but he's just always content to say thank you to His God. Precious. Christopher has a more soft heart, he always wants to pray for those who are hurting or suffering, or for protection from those bad dreams... And then, He thanks God. :) I love that they're learning and growing in this area.
Worship - I'm not referring to music really - It is a part of it, but I think I just mean that I am very much enjoying making worship more of my lifestyle instead of just part of my day. Thanking God as much as I can, lifting my hands in the middle of my living room as I play some awesome praise music, praying without cease - Just anything I can give back to Him - I really have been growing in this and I'm so overfilled. Content to live in a Worship state or try my absolute hardest to at least!
Watching God take situations and work them out. Because there are an awful lot of those right now.... I just look around and although my heart breaks - I know He's got them. I can see that & it's kind of nice to just pray & know that's all I have to do. All I have to do is have trust and faith. Why don't we learn that it's more restful to trust and have faith than to question, doubt and worry? I'm finally getting there.
Prayers with my sweet little men. I love when they want to pray and lately it seems so much more. Landon is a thanker - He loves thanking God for EVERYTHING. :) Including the special people in his life. His prayers always humble me. He never asks & I know he'll learn that it's ok to ask, but he's just always content to say thank you to His God. Precious. Christopher has a more soft heart, he always wants to pray for those who are hurting or suffering, or for protection from those bad dreams... And then, He thanks God. :) I love that they're learning and growing in this area.
Worship - I'm not referring to music really - It is a part of it, but I think I just mean that I am very much enjoying making worship more of my lifestyle instead of just part of my day. Thanking God as much as I can, lifting my hands in the middle of my living room as I play some awesome praise music, praying without cease - Just anything I can give back to Him - I really have been growing in this and I'm so overfilled. Content to live in a Worship state or try my absolute hardest to at least!
Watching God take situations and work them out. Because there are an awful lot of those right now.... I just look around and although my heart breaks - I know He's got them. I can see that & it's kind of nice to just pray & know that's all I have to do. All I have to do is have trust and faith. Why don't we learn that it's more restful to trust and have faith than to question, doubt and worry? I'm finally getting there.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
joy
Intimacy & Humility - Two of my favorite things.... What wouldn't be "good enough" for some is somehow always more than enough for me. I cherish closeness, unity, modesty and meekness in a way that warms & softens my heart to the most mushy of all mushness... Mushness? I don't think that's quite a word. I like it anyways though.
I'm in love with God, but I couldn't love Him if He didn't love me first. And boy, does He love me so very much. I'm so overwhelmed with what He's doing and I'm to the point where I just kind of want to stay on my knees, hands up in sweet surrender singing His sweet name. I love watching God work inside of the ministry that He's called me to.... God is doing great things in our midst - changing the hearts of our teens and growing them. I know that it won't be easy & I know that satan will try to discourage, but I can just tell that we're becoming stronger in Him and more unified as a whole.
I have a very happy heart tonight.
I'm in love with God, but I couldn't love Him if He didn't love me first. And boy, does He love me so very much. I'm so overwhelmed with what He's doing and I'm to the point where I just kind of want to stay on my knees, hands up in sweet surrender singing His sweet name. I love watching God work inside of the ministry that He's called me to.... God is doing great things in our midst - changing the hearts of our teens and growing them. I know that it won't be easy & I know that satan will try to discourage, but I can just tell that we're becoming stronger in Him and more unified as a whole.
I have a very happy heart tonight.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
One of those days.
Do you ever get the kind of stress where you're not really feeling stressed, but your body is feeling like it's stressed. I don't think I'm stressed - in my mind, but my chest is tight and I'm feeling like I could just I don't know.... :) So I'm off to try and sip on a nice hot tea and see if that helps.
Landon broke my phone today - my screen is cracked into pieces, but luckily still usable until I can get to the phone store tomorrow.
Satan is trying to discourage me - and I'm having to say no, on repeat a lot. Not today. Not tomorrow either. Or the next.
Yeah, it's one of those days.
I choose to smile. And thank God for what is and what's coming. And to have tea.
Off.
Landon broke my phone today - my screen is cracked into pieces, but luckily still usable until I can get to the phone store tomorrow.
Satan is trying to discourage me - and I'm having to say no, on repeat a lot. Not today. Not tomorrow either. Or the next.
Yeah, it's one of those days.
I choose to smile. And thank God for what is and what's coming. And to have tea.
Off.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
Commitment {in a non-committed world.}
A challenge to myself.
A week ago today I was engaged in a conversation that consisted of other adults who were older than I am. The majority of the conversation consisted of what Christianity in the world looks like today, where Christianity and the Church will be in the future and we as a people who are the Church.
I believe I'm very lucky to be in a body where the people are actually committed to each other - We
truly are just like a family for the most part. I'm thankful that God has blessed me and my family in this way. When it comes down to the core of our Church I'm never concerned that I'll be without true genuine relationship, accountability and etc.
However, when the conversation above took place we all agreed that commitment to people in general is not what it should be. Not from within ourselves because we are really great with each other. If you look at Christians today though - there is still so much of this {worldly} "I care about my self first," and then I'll care about you attitude. It's kind of been weighing on my heart a lot. We're just not doing what we should - we're simply not committed to people who need the Lord {or each other for that matter} as we should be. Oh sure, we invite them to Church once in a while, maybe send them a note via internet or text, maybe we even call them or invite them to dinner.... And then we're satisfied, as if we've actually done our job and can now check this off some kind of "I'm pleasing to God list!" It was hard for me because I know I'm a part of this - I know that in this area I fall short more often than I should. How do I fix it?
Then of course God does His thing and pushes this in my face even more. I don't believe in coincidence and I definitely believe that God is trying to teach me through it. Maybe He's trying to help me see how important it is to be committed to Him and His work. I feel as though I'm pretty committed, but it's one of those things - I'm so humanly flawed.
I've had a lot of issues lately with poor leadership, with trying to stay committed to people who don't seem to want that commitment anymore, and with watching others who are supposed to be committed and just aren't. I can't do much about the first one, except for choose not to be this - to rise above and be the best leader that I can be. The second one is rather exhausting. Especially lately, because I just don't get it. I hate when people just make assumptions and then you let them know their assumption is wrong and then it still remains the same? I'm just so confused. And there's no open honesty either. So you try and try and try and try - and for what? How does someone stay committed to a person who just doesn't seem to care anymore. Ugh. Very frustrating. And the last one - I'm still working through this. I want to be better and I want to help others be better too. Isn't that what God wants? For us to help each other be better? Doesn't God want us to be truly committed? Doesn't He want us to rise above the world's standards? Doesn't He want us to be on guard against our own sinful flesh?
I know I can't change other people. So, I have to challenge myself, in hope & prayer, that I can be a better example to the ones I'm leading, to the ones who come after me. I pray the Lord shows my heart what I can work on - where I need change. I pray that I continue to try with the ones I struggle with and I also pray that I allow myself to be completely committed to the things God has for me.
Then of course God does His thing and pushes this in my face even more. I don't believe in coincidence and I definitely believe that God is trying to teach me through it. Maybe He's trying to help me see how important it is to be committed to Him and His work. I feel as though I'm pretty committed, but it's one of those things - I'm so humanly flawed.
I've had a lot of issues lately with poor leadership, with trying to stay committed to people who don't seem to want that commitment anymore, and with watching others who are supposed to be committed and just aren't. I can't do much about the first one, except for choose not to be this - to rise above and be the best leader that I can be. The second one is rather exhausting. Especially lately, because I just don't get it. I hate when people just make assumptions and then you let them know their assumption is wrong and then it still remains the same? I'm just so confused. And there's no open honesty either. So you try and try and try and try - and for what? How does someone stay committed to a person who just doesn't seem to care anymore. Ugh. Very frustrating. And the last one - I'm still working through this. I want to be better and I want to help others be better too. Isn't that what God wants? For us to help each other be better? Doesn't God want us to be truly committed? Doesn't He want us to rise above the world's standards? Doesn't He want us to be on guard against our own sinful flesh?
I know I can't change other people. So, I have to challenge myself, in hope & prayer, that I can be a better example to the ones I'm leading, to the ones who come after me. I pray the Lord shows my heart what I can work on - where I need change. I pray that I continue to try with the ones I struggle with and I also pray that I allow myself to be completely committed to the things God has for me.
1 John 3:17-18
But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.
But whoever has the world’s goods, and sees his brother in need and closes his heart against him, how does the love of God abide in him? Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
A little of nothing.
Today was just one of those days.....
Do you ever feel like you just need to step away? I wish there were a way to get on the outside of everything- perhaps just try and get a different view on certain things.
I feel really over burdened lately and it just keeps weighing on me. I wish that we could change each other - for the better. I wish that when someone was doing something that wasn't good or helpful that we could just reach into their hearts and re-tweak something. That's unfortunately not how it works though.
I'm not sure what God wants or what He's trying to teach me, but I don't think I'm getting it. Or maybe I am and I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do with it exactly. I've definitely gotten a little better at His timing, but I'm still not quite there yet. This is starting to get really frustrating.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
A favorite right now....
Psalm 107
1 Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;
his love endures forever.
his love endures forever.
2 Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story—
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
3 those he gathered from the lands,
from east and west, from north and south.[a]
those he redeemed from the hand of the foe,
3 those he gathered from the lands,
from east and west, from north and south.[a]
4 Some wandered in desert wastelands,
finding no way to a city where they could settle.
5 They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.
6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
7 He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.
8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
9 for he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.
finding no way to a city where they could settle.
5 They were hungry and thirsty,
and their lives ebbed away.
6 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he delivered them from their distress.
7 He led them by a straight way
to a city where they could settle.
8 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
9 for he satisfies the thirsty
and fills the hungry with good things.
10 Some sat in darkness, in utter darkness,
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
11 because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
12 So he subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
13 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
14 He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
15 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
16 for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron.
prisoners suffering in iron chains,
11 because they rebelled against God’s commands
and despised the plans of the Most High.
12 So he subjected them to bitter labor;
they stumbled, and there was no one to help.
13 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
14 He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness,
and broke away their chains.
15 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind,
16 for he breaks down gates of bronze
and cuts through bars of iron.
17 Some became fools through their rebellious ways
and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
18 They loathed all food
and drew near the gates of death.
19 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
20 He sent out his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.
21 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
22 Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of his works with songs of joy.
and suffered affliction because of their iniquities.
18 They loathed all food
and drew near the gates of death.
19 Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
20 He sent out his word and healed them;
he rescued them from the grave.
21 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
22 Let them sacrifice thank offerings
and tell of his works with songs of joy.
23 Some went out on the sea in ships;
they were merchants on the mighty waters.
24 They saw the works of the Lord,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
25 For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
26 They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
27 They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
they were at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
29 He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea[b] were hushed.
30 They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
31 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
32 Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people
and praise him in the council of the elders.
they were merchants on the mighty waters.
24 They saw the works of the Lord,
his wonderful deeds in the deep.
25 For he spoke and stirred up a tempest
that lifted high the waves.
26 They mounted up to the heavens and went down to the depths;
in their peril their courage melted away.
27 They reeled and staggered like drunkards;
they were at their wits’ end.
28 Then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble,
and he brought them out of their distress.
29 He stilled the storm to a whisper;
the waves of the sea[b] were hushed.
30 They were glad when it grew calm,
and he guided them to their desired haven.
31 Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love
and his wonderful deeds for mankind.
32 Let them exalt him in the assembly of the people
and praise him in the council of the elders.
33 He turned rivers into a desert,
flowing springs into thirsty ground,
34 and fruitful land into a salt waste,
because of the wickedness of those who lived there.
35 He turned the desert into pools of water
and the parched ground into flowing springs;
36 there he brought the hungry to live,
and they founded a city where they could settle.
37 They sowed fields and planted vineyards
that yielded a fruitful harvest;
38 he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased,
and he did not let their herds diminish.
flowing springs into thirsty ground,
34 and fruitful land into a salt waste,
because of the wickedness of those who lived there.
35 He turned the desert into pools of water
and the parched ground into flowing springs;
36 there he brought the hungry to live,
and they founded a city where they could settle.
37 They sowed fields and planted vineyards
that yielded a fruitful harvest;
38 he blessed them, and their numbers greatly increased,
and he did not let their herds diminish.
39 Then their numbers decreased, and they were humbled
by oppression, calamity and sorrow;
40 he who pours contempt on nobles
made them wander in a trackless waste.
41 But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
and increased their families like flocks.
42 The upright see and rejoice,
but all the wicked shut their mouths.
by oppression, calamity and sorrow;
40 he who pours contempt on nobles
made them wander in a trackless waste.
41 But he lifted the needy out of their affliction
and increased their families like flocks.
42 The upright see and rejoice,
but all the wicked shut their mouths.
43 Let the one who is wise heed these things
and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord.
and ponder the loving deeds of the Lord.
~
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
lately
It's been quite the year already... I want to update all of the time, but it just seems like I don't know quite how to verbalize what's going on in life. So I'll just start writing.
This month is officially 3 months since my brother's (in law) passing. It's been going by so quickly and it seems like the hurt/pain is finally starting to numb, especially for my love. I'm thankful for what time does in this specific area, although missing him and his presence will never cease - I'm thankful that the horrid shock, pain, and confusion does. I've never been more thankful for our eternal Home and I've also never been as curious. I know this may sound a bit morbid to some, but I just want to see it- I've thought once or twice "God, just stop my heart for like 5 minutes - I really want to be with You! To know what it's like!" Yea, I'm jealous of him. Kind of weird, right? I can't attempt to explain the way God made my mind, or perhaps other people are thinking the same and just haven't said anything. I guess I don't mind sounding looney, nor do I care if people view me as so either. And I'll just stop there... I'm just saying. :) I love that God never waste's opportunities to teach, grow and show us things. In the midst of the really horrible shock and pain of it all - I got to know a very different side to my husband. A quiet man content to give every last drop of effort into being a faithful servant to his Lord. There were a lot of other things as well, but I think that one was definitely my favorite. I love watching people when their heart is in the right place, it's quite inspiring and I'm afraid that these days it's not something you see to often.
I've been connected with a lot of cool new people recently. And it started in a very cool God kind of way. The first lady that I met recently was a woman who contacted me via Facebook. I'm friends with her daughter, whom I once worked with at the salon. I had posted something, the daughter shared with her and one thing led to another. It's really cool to know that God is using your story or words to help encourage someone else. I really love when God does His thing. We ended up having a very similar story and she was thankful to know that she wasn't alone in it. I'm amazed at the way God provides comfort to those He loves. I'm amazed at His understanding of our needs. He is our Creator, I know, but just each time something like this happens I see a different side of that Creator and it's quite lovely. Our human hearts need so much and we should be able to get on just fine with Him as our help, but He knew we would need more while we were here. I'm the type of person that really doesn't like being created to be interdependent, but despite the fact that I don't like it - I still mostly need those relationships I have.
I also was introduced to another younger girl, Chloe. I've really enjoyed getting to know her, praying for her and already have gotten to witness God answer those prayers in her life. She's a lot like me which is sort of cool in a way, but kind of odd to meet a younger version of yourself... Why can't I be the younger person in the relationship?? :) Just kidding. I'm excited to continue the friendship and I can really sense that God is going to do something cool with it. I'll be quite excited to see what that is.
I also recently found out that someone I invested a lot of time in is finally being set free from so much. There's still a long road ahead and a lot of healing - But God is working in the midst of the situation and I know that after everything - It's in His hands. I never really doubted that, but I was admittedly starting to get a little impatient. Always in His time.
I started writing a book, which is something I really did not want to do. God wouldn't really leave me along about it though and just have to love when He's insistent on something that you oppose, right? I actually think, after some prayer, that it's going to be more like a Bible Study than anything, which I think will be better for me. I had a huge fear of failing and I struggled a lot with the idea, but than all of these ideas started flowing and well, before I knew it I had an intro and partial first chapter... Funny how that works.... It's going to be a very long process I'm sure of it, but I look forward to working on it and testing it out this coming Fall. We'll see if I can actually get it all together by then though.... Prayer. A lot of prayer over this.
The youth stuff is going so great - more than great. Cj and I are becoming really close with the teens and I think they're finally starting to see just how committed we are to God's work and them. I've never been more content to be a part of something and I pray God continues to bless our ministry and our Church. There is a lot right now, but I know that God is faithful and He will pull us through the next year as we build.
Trying to keep my eyes and heart open .... God's work is everywhere and I don't want to miss anything. Praying a lot - There is much to be prayed over. Living and Breathing. Taking one day at a time and learning to let a lot of things just roll off my shoulders and into the hands of God.
Thursday, February 7, 2013
poetry
"Something's missing
I know it's gone,
I felt it go.
I didn't misplace it
Or neglect it,
It was taken;
Stolen.
What no one knew (Maybe not even me)
Is that it was connected,
A part,
Something I had let in
And it grew.
Cords, veins, bonds...
I don't know,
But when they took it
It hurt,
Hurt bad,
Down to the ribs that won't stop shaking in the cold.
I can't be sure,
But when it happened
I think it may have torn off a piece of me.
My heart, my mind, my dreams,
I'm not sure,
But it's gone.
How do people do this?
How do they adjust?
How do you simply push it aside?
And keep going?
God give me the strength,
I can't see it,
So take care of it for me."
- Author Unknown.
I know it's gone,
I felt it go.
I didn't misplace it
Or neglect it,
It was taken;
Stolen.
What no one knew (Maybe not even me)
Is that it was connected,
A part,
Something I had let in
And it grew.
Cords, veins, bonds...
I don't know,
But when they took it
It hurt,
Hurt bad,
Down to the ribs that won't stop shaking in the cold.
I can't be sure,
But when it happened
I think it may have torn off a piece of me.
My heart, my mind, my dreams,
I'm not sure,
But it's gone.
How do people do this?
How do they adjust?
How do you simply push it aside?
And keep going?
God give me the strength,
I can't see it,
So take care of it for me."
- Author Unknown.
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Friday, February 1, 2013
Thought Spill
I've never been the type to give up easily on something I truly care about. Lately though - it seems as though my heart is leaning in that direction. I am the type of person when I do make a decision - I stick with it. I'm just tired & honestly things lately seem better, the best, & so I keep thinking that's a sign to get on with it already. Letting go isn't always the right thing, but on occasion - it can be the game changer. The big decision that changes everything.
Someone once stated this in a sermon - Sometimes the obstacles we lean on are the ones that keep us from seeing the bigger picture - From seeing God for all that He really is.
Still praying. I am the Lord's.
Someone once stated this in a sermon - Sometimes the obstacles we lean on are the ones that keep us from seeing the bigger picture - From seeing God for all that He really is.
Still praying. I am the Lord's.
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Wednesday, January 23, 2013
poor tendencies
I have a tough time with certain things due to my past. If you've ever been abused in any sort of manner (verbal, physical or sexually,) or abandoned and trained as a child to expect nothing good from life. (In my case- growing up, all of the above.) For example: I have an awful tendency to render myself worthless & unusable. I always seem to put up these limitations - "I can't do that, nor would God choose to use someone like me for that." I allow myself to become discouraged to the point where it makes me want to isolate & close up. My heart sends out warnings like 'You're broken! People don't really love you! You'll never be good at anything!" And you'd think after much growth & time that these feelings would dissipate and stay away - at some point, for good. To be completely rid of these feelings & thoughts would be like finding the most sweet peace anyone has ever delighted in.
And honestly, I'm not sure if that's ever going to be the case. Because sometimes these feelings and thoughts are just what I need because they beckon me back to the sweet voice of Jesus. And when I find myself waiting for that sweet whisper in my ear I'm always reminded - I'm not broken and although at one point I may have been, God has taken my broken pieces and has started a masterpiece that He wants to finish. He knows that in the end it'll be the most beautiful thing ever, a precious daughter of the king clothed in His righteousness and majesty. He wants to use me despite my imperfections and insecurities. He's waiting though - He's waiting for me to let Him. For me to allow Him free reign in my life - for me to be completely sacrificial of myself so that He can have control. He gently whispers to my heart - You are clean, white as snow, beautifully made in My image, I can use you for great things. He whispers - Wipe your tears, get up from your knees and give your weary heart rest. I am your comforter, your maker, your protector, redeemer, father and friend. You are no longer broken and the best is yet to come.
And I know it's the truth.
#HowgreatisourGod
#Fromoneunbrokengirltoanother
And honestly, I'm not sure if that's ever going to be the case. Because sometimes these feelings and thoughts are just what I need because they beckon me back to the sweet voice of Jesus. And when I find myself waiting for that sweet whisper in my ear I'm always reminded - I'm not broken and although at one point I may have been, God has taken my broken pieces and has started a masterpiece that He wants to finish. He knows that in the end it'll be the most beautiful thing ever, a precious daughter of the king clothed in His righteousness and majesty. He wants to use me despite my imperfections and insecurities. He's waiting though - He's waiting for me to let Him. For me to allow Him free reign in my life - for me to be completely sacrificial of myself so that He can have control. He gently whispers to my heart - You are clean, white as snow, beautifully made in My image, I can use you for great things. He whispers - Wipe your tears, get up from your knees and give your weary heart rest. I am your comforter, your maker, your protector, redeemer, father and friend. You are no longer broken and the best is yet to come.
And I know it's the truth.
#HowgreatisourGod
#Fromoneunbrokengirltoanother
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Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Funny little human mind.
You can try & believe the lie for as long as you'd like, but truth is absolute & will always prevail. So when it does - when you feel the pain, hurt and are broken - And you try to point the finger at God as if it's His fault. Take a closer look. You chose the lie over the truth - You did that. Over & over again, until it was too late.
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